


Let me help you let it go

by Dexiha



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety, F/F, F/M, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Post-War, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2018-12-06 14:01:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 31,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11602113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dexiha/pseuds/Dexiha
Summary: Returned to Hogwarts Harry thought everything would be alright, that he would feel like he'd finally gotten home. But things doesn't really go as he thought. When everything gets quiet his self blaming thoughts gets louder and louder until he can't hear the world anymore. It's getting too much.Draco never thought he'd be able to live normal life anymore. His nightmares interrupts his sleep every night and he doesn't really know how long he'll be able to bear it. Until one night he discovers that the Chosen One seems to have even worse psychological problems than he, and he decides that he should help. After all, he loves him AND he owes him his life, so why wouldn't he. But the questions are: is it too late to save Harry? And will Harry be able to save Draco in return?





	1. Back by Train

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer! I do not own any of these characters. They all belong to J.K Rowling. Thanks.

* * *

They were back at King's Cross Station. All of them. All the Weasleys had gathered to wave off Harry, Ron and Hermione when they returned to Hogwarts for their eighth year. Even Charlie had managed to part himself from his dragons in Romania to see them depart. It felt strange to have nothing to worry about, Harry thought. Everyone seemed very happy with their lives now that the war was over and no one was under death threats. Still, a heavy feeling that Harry couldn't explain was stuck in his chest. In the letter from Headmistress McGonagall it had been stated that he was welcome to return to Hogwarts to finish his education, just as everyone else who had missed their seventh year. All of them were to share classes as well as an eighth year common room but in their dormitories they would be split up according to their previous houses. Well, at least everyone else would be. For he was supposed to be part of the Slytherins if he decided to come back. When he had shown Ron the additional note from the headmistress in which this extra information had been written, he immediately turned to Harry and reassured him that he understood if Harry didn't want to return because of this. But Harry had just shaken his head at his friend and smiled.

"Of course I'm coming.." he'd said.

"But man, you don't  _have_ to. The Aurors won't hesitate to get you in for their training if you want to." Ron had reasoned.

"Yeah, but you know I don't want that." Harry'd answered and Ron had nodded in response. Like everybody else he thought that Harry's decision to complete his education, despite the fact that he didn't have to, was based on Harry's assumed passion for being the noble hero. They thought he considered it as cheating to skip school. But that wasn't the truth. Harry didn't  _want_ to be an Auror anymore. What he wanted was to go home, and Hogwarts had always been that home for him. Even if he was to switch into Slytherin and he would be living in the dungeons, it would still be his home. And secretly, he had at first been happy and relieved to know he wouldn't have to sleep in the same room as his former fellow Gryffindors, because he knew they would just praise him and treat him like he was some kind of God. Didn't they realize that it was his fault that so many of their friends and acquaintances had die during the battle? If he'd been faster, smarter, stronger, better he could've saved everyone. He could've saved Remus and Tonks and Fred. He could've saved all of them had he just been a better wizard. He was not worthy of being called a hero. 

So he had been glad to be free from the Gryffindors at first, but now, standing on the train station he didn't feel so sure anymore. Because a few meters away was Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Pansy Parkinson and Theodore Nott. Well, at least  _they_ didn't see him as a hero. Most certainly as the opposite. They probably hated him for being the one to put their parents in Azkaban.

"Hey, Harry. Is everything alright?" Ron asked and drew Harry back from his thoughts. 

"Uhm, yeah, but... Malfoy's here." Harry answered bluntly. "And the rest of his friends."

"What? Really? I didn't think he would be allowed to return." Ron said. "Not that I disapprove with them being given a second chance though. Rather the contrary, actually. I just thought the Ministry was a bit more narrow-minded.

"Hm, yeah. But.. do you think they're mad with me?"

"What would they be mad for? And why does it matter?"

"Well, it's sort of my fault their families are in such a heap of trouble right now and... I'm... I'll share dormitories with them.."

"Oh right, I'd forgotten 'bout that. You being put in Slytherin that is. And don't worry 'bout them hating you. After all, you saved Mrs. Malfoy and Draco from prison with your testimony so they can't really be that mad."

"Yeah, I know, but still..."

"You need to stop putting so much blame on yourself, man. You're the Saviour for Merlin's sake."

"Hm, I'd almost forgotten about that." Harry muttered under his breath while turning around to gather his trunk and bring it onto the train as soon as he'd hugged every Weasley standing left on the platform. Shortly behind him Ron and Hermione followed him until they found the compartment in which their friends already were seated. In the left corner Dean and Seamus were snuggled up with each other in a way that could only mean they had finally gotten together during the summer. Next to them sat Neville by himself while Luna sat in Ginny's lap getting her hair braided in the right corner. After tucking their trunk away Ron took place next to Luna and Hermione right next to him. Harry sank into the seat next to Neville. Almost as if someone had turned on a switch they all looked up from their activities to see him and then started firing away compliments, congratulations and thanks at Harry at the same time. He sighed, nodded and smiled towards them before tiredly standing up again. He excused himself and quickly left the small room. Casually he strode through the corridor, occasionally (more like every other meter) nodding to people who excitedly greeted him. He soon got tired of all the hands thrown out to touch him and he quickened his steps while practically hysterically searching for a new calm compartment. When he mere seconds later laid eyes on a room in which he saw his Slytherin year-mates he didn't hesitate to burst into it.

As soon as he'd closed the door he let out a deep breath and slid down onto the floor, not caring about the confused and surprised looks he got from the others in the room. For a moment he let his eyes close as he enjoyed the quiet. About three minutes later, though, his peace was disturbed by one gingerly angry Pansy Parkinson.

"You wouldn't mind explaining why you come running in here only to collapse on the floor, would you?" she asked. "I mean, if someone would come and look in here they'd think we'd been trying to murder you or something. Or well, probably something even worse. People always expect the worst from us now."

"Sorry." Harry mumbled, slowly getting up. "I just wanted to retreat from reality a bit."

"What do you need retreating from?" Zabini asked even more angrily. "It's not like they're trying to hex you every other step you take, are they? They just praise you for saving their goddamn world."

"Yeah, it's not like anyone wants to see you killed." Pansy continued, her anger now showing through her voice distinctly, motioning toward the world outside the door with her hands. 

"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry they treat you like you're scums when they have no right to.. I can try make a speech or a threat or something if you'd like? Tonight at the feast. I truly am sorry you know.. and.. I'll go now... I'm sorry..."

Harry turned to leave but to his great surprise Malfoy's voice interrupted his action.

"No, don't. Not if you don't want to. You're welcome to stay here if you'd rather want that."

"Yeah," Harry turned back and smiled, "I rather would."

He spent the rest of the trip getting to know his new comrades (as soon as they'd calmed Pansy and Blaise down, with Theo's help) after explaining how McGonagall had asked (/ordered) Harry to become a Slytherin during the upcoming year. Surprisingly enough, Harry realized he liked their company, and he discovered that neither of them were as pratty as he'd thought they were. Well, maybe they all  _had_ been pratty, but had changed during the war, Harry himself certainly had. What made him the most taken aback though was how they managed to quieten down his anxious thoughts and keep him as a part of their conversations in a way all his other friends never had. For the first time since long before the war Harry felt satisfied with his situation. He felt so comfortable with Malfoy and his friends that when they got off the train in Hogsmeade he simply waved to his friends in Gryffindor before jumping into the Thestral-pulled carriage that Malfoy'd entered seconds before.

* * *

 


	2. Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything shatters when Harry's friends enters the Great Hall. And Draco gets to know part of Harry's guilty feelings.

* * *

 

When Harry burst into the cabinet on the train Draco had been utterly surprised to say the very least. And so had his friends, he could tell by the looks on their faces. For a tenth of a millisecond he had also felt scared. If Harry decided to cast charms at them they would all be doomed. Not only because their wands were restricted from using several spells they could use for defending themselves, but also because they normally didn't stand a chance against this wizard. But the fear went away as quickly as it had come as he saw, rather than heard Harry's sigh of relief. He saw the high rise of his chest and how the haunted look in his green eyes disappeared along with the air as he breathed out. When Harry half laid, half sat on the compartment's floor with his eyes closed, Draco let himself inspect the boy. Though he should've had the summer to heal up and get his old life back, like everyone else, he seemed almost as scrawny as the boy Draco had met at Madam Malkin's so many years ago. He hasn't eaten enough, Draco thought and surprised himself with the sincere care he heard in his head's voice. And the dark circles under Harry's eyes hinted that he, like Draco, suffered from lack of sleep, possibly because of nightmares. Though Draco made better work of his illusion charms to hide it. When Pansy and Blaise started to fire angry comments at him, Draco noticed how his beautiful green eyes went from showing a shining pleasure to a look of hopelessness and his shoulders slacked in defeat. He's so busy watching the boy he nearly missed the apology he gave. But as soon as he realized Harry was going to leave he hurriedly stopped him, despite the fact that he could feel Pansy's eyes shooting daggers at his back. So, the moment he's sure Harry would stay and had taken a seat next to him he turned to Pansy. 

"Draco, are you out of your mind?" she shrieked. "He can't possibly be here simply because he wants our company! He  _must_ have some other intention."

Yeah, Draco thought, but didn't you see the beaten impression he showed right before begging us sorry? Didn't you see how much like us he looked when he ran from the others? I thought like you at first. At least he must've come to hex  _me_ for I am an ex-Death Eater. But then I opened my eyes and what did I see? A reflection of myself, though it was one with dark hair and emerald green eyes. But Draco didn't say that out loud.

"Don't worry Pans, he said he was sorry, right? And he hasn't hexed us yet, has he?" was all he said and it seemed to be enough to shut Pansy and Blaise up. Yet, they seemed a bit sour so with the help of Theo he eased the tension in the room before initiating them all to a conversation in which he made sure Harry took part in. He had seen how the boy could retreat within himself without his friends noticing far too many times in their previous years at Hogwarts. He wouldn't let that happen when he was around and could prevent it.

When they arrived at Hogsmeade station a few hours later Draco was sure Harry would leave them in favour of joining his Gryffindor friends. After all, what was he, the boy who did everything wrong and made all the wrong choices compared to Ron Weasley who stayed by Harry's side through whatever horrible event came their way? What was he and his friends compared to the Gryffindor heroes? So when Harry joined them in their carriage up to Hogwarts Draco was more than just a little surprised. Pleasantly so, though. 

Up in the castle all of them headed straight towards the Great Hall. With all their talking on the train ride here they hadn't eaten anything except a few chocolate frogs in the entire day and Draco was starving. But when they close in on the huge room he felt something else than hunger raving in his stomach. If they were to split up by houses in there, which would Harry choose? Yes, he had gotten to know that Harry was to be counted as a Slytherin this year, but they couldn't expect Harry to choose them over the friends he had known and trusted for years. And Draco hated to admit it - simply because it made his life so much more complicated than he wanted it to be - but these few hours he had spent with Harry had once again stirred up the loaded feelings he had buried deep within himself a long time ago. Again, he was falling in love with Harry Potter. And an ex-Death Eater simply didn't have any business developing feelings for the Wizarding World's Saviour. Yet, he wanted Harry to be close to him. He wanted him as his friend. He wanted him close enough so he could notice every detail of his body. And he wanted Harry to be close enough to him so Draco could help him. Could make sure Harry ate enough. Could save him. Could pay back what should have been paid back a long time ago.

As it turns out Draco needn't have worried, for the Eighth-years had gotten a table in the back of the hall all for themselves. Harry didn't have to choose which group friends he would accompany. He could choose both. 

They all sat down at the table, Harry next to Draco, opposed to Theo and Weasley soon came to join them on Harry's other side. Draco could feel how every Slytherin at the table held their breath, getting ready for the insults they were sure would come. But they didn't. Instead the least expected happened: Weasley opened up for a conversation with all of them, with no half badly hidden mocking tone in his voice. This is too good to be true, Draco thought but didn't complain. Soon enough though he learned how right he was, for Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas sat down at the table and cast them all a heap of angry looks. And if that didn't worried him enough, he noticed Harry didn't eat anything. Even though Harry  _had_ loaded his plate with food he didn't touch any of it. A few minutes of intensifying tension later, Finnigan let the bomb fall. 

"What right do you think you have coming back here, eh?" he half shouted angrily. "After all the horrible things that've happened, after all who've died, you think you could just come barging in here? Let me tell you one thing! If you think we're going to leave you tossers alone only because the Ministry was stupid enough to do so, you're wrong! We were there at the time and saw what you did! We will never forgive you for it, Chavs!"

If Draco had paid attention to what was going on around him after that he would've been happy to see that Weasley defended them fiercely and that there were pretty much equally many people who shot arrows of insults toward them as there were people who fought for them. He would've seen that the Slytherins weren't alone. But he didn't notice any of it. All he saw was Harry slumping down in his seat next to him, covering his face with his hands and  _shaking_. Since he couldn't see Harry's face he didn't know whether he was shaking from anger or something else but he felt how Harry's magic tensed around them and made the entire room tremble. It didn't take long before everything cracked apart from it. Glass shattered, lights went out and everyone grew silent. Harry snapped up his head up and Draco could now see tears running down his cheeks. Harry looked up at the Headmistress and quietly begged her sorry before storming out of the room. Draco saw Weasley motion to follow but he himself was already up running after the dark haired boy.

He found him on the massive porch outside the entrance hall. He was on the stone floor, hugging his knees and rocking himself back and forth. 

"You know, it's not healthy to skip meals, right?" Draco asked when he approached the boy. "Especially not if you haven't eaten in an entire day."

Harry didn't answer, just kept rocking himself over the ground, tears dropping on the stone. 

"Potter, calm down a bit, will you?" he tried again. "I want to talk to you, but I need to know if you're listening to me.."

Still no answer.

"Potter, please," he said, sitting down on the cold flooring beside Harry, "I saw that you didn't eat anything in there. You know, if you keep it up, you'll starve to death."

The rocking got slower and Draco decided to wait a bit. A couple moments later Harry answered in a hoarse voice. 

"Not hungry."

"And I suppose you haven't felt hungry in months, based on your figure.?"

Harry just muttered something incoherent back.

"Would you mind accompanying me to the kitchens later so you could getting something in that bloody system of yours?"

"No... it's okey..." Harry mumbled. "I don't want to."

"What do you mean it's okey?!" Draco burst out. "Why don't you want to? You'll kill yourself!"

"Hmm..."

"Potter! You have your entire life in front of you. You have every possibility to do whatever you want! Don't you throw that away! You're the bloody Saviour for Merlin's sake!"

"Shut it, Malfoy!" Harry shouted angrily and stood up and Draco followed. There was something else in his voice apart from anger. Something Draco knew all too well. Guilt. "I am not a bloody Saviour! And I certainly don't want to be one! Just as much as I didn't want to be the Chosen One! I don't deserve it! Leave me, will you? You shouldn't be around people like me. They'll just destroy you. Kill you."

Draco stood stunned as Harry ran inside. Did he, Harry Potter, really hate himself that much? Did he really think he was a terrible person? Did he really think that he was worth less than an ex-Death Eater? Did he really think of himself as a murderer? Draco stood frozen out in the cold until Weasley joined him. 

"How did it go?" he asked. 

"He... he..." Draco stammered and cleared his throat. "It didn't go well at all. Do you know where he is? I need to talk with him."

"I think he ran down to the dungeons," Ron answered, "but what do you mean it didn't..."

He didn't get to finish his sentence for Draco was already gone. 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have very much to say about this except that I hoped you enjoyed the chapter and I'll try write another one as soon as I can.


	3. Crumbling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you might've noticed I've chosen to write the chapters imbricated with each other. This is because I thought it might be interesting/important to see every grand action from both Draco's and Harry's perspective. I truly hope this is something you don't have a problem with, but actually enjoys. Though this might be something that changes in later chapters once Harry and Draco spends more and more time together.

* * *

The meal had started alright and Harry was relieved when Ron by talking to them proved to stay by his point of giving the Slytherins a new chance. Though he could see that Hermione wasn't entirely approving of the situation he was glad that she did nothing to spoil it. He knew she was really mad about the fact that he had to become a Slytherin as she thought it would make his title as the Saviour dirty or something else Harry couldn't really comprehend. Now he had actually started to relax a bit and happily took part of the friendly discussion about this and that, that Ron had started. But he still didn't feel like he was able to eat. The delicious food he had memories of in his mind looked exactly like the food laying on the plate in front of him, yet nothing seemed appetizing enough to make his mouth water or his stomach growl. What does it matter, anyway? he asked himself. It's not like I  _deserve_ good food. The Dursleys actually had been right about that. They had also been right about that he would grow up to be something worse than a nobody if he ever was to be seen in public. He now understood why they had kept him out of the sight of others. They knew that he would become a horrible human, that he was too weak to become anything better. So it didn't matter whether he ate or not, whether he died or not. Everyone else might not think so, but he knew the truth.

His thoughts by a loud thud as Seamus sat down a seat away from Theo. Instantly, Harry noticed the angry fire on his eyes and he counted the seconds before hell broke loose. One... five... thirteen... twenty four... thirty three...

"What right do you think you have coming back here, eh?" Seamus exclaimed and Harry immediately shut the world out to keep him from hearing the rest. Didn't Seamus realize that it wasn't the Slytherins that were to be blamed, but Harry? It was Harry's fault things had come to have such horrendous consequences. Harry felt how his entire body and mind tensed but he didn't care about it until he heard loud crashes and then silence. He looked up from his hands only to discover that all glasses around him had shattered (it was lucky he had finally gotten around to get rid of his glasses or he probably would've been cut in the face from the glass). It took him mere seconds to realize it was his magic that had caused the crashes and he hurried to apologize to McGonagall before quickly getting out of the glorious room to retreat from everyone's gazes at him. Even though he wanted to run as far away as possible he only got out of the castle's grand doors before his knees buckled and his legs betrayed him. He fell down to the floor, letting the cold creep through his skin into his bones. He wanted to go back in and tell everyone how sorry he was. He wanted to ask the Slytherins for their forgiveness, but he couldn't muster the energy. And he knew it was worthless as he didn't deserve their forgiveness anyway. 

In a far distance he heard someone walk towards him and he could also hear that they tried to talk to him. Though, he couldn't hear the actual words because of all the thoughts swimming around, creating chaos in his head. He fought away them until he heard who it was that had came after him and what they were saying. It was Malfoy, offering to take him to the Kitchens to eat. So the boy had noticed that Harry wasn't eating, had he? Harry rejected the invitation but soon regretted doing so. Because it only caused Malfoy to keep asking questions. All too soon had the blond caught the hints to make him understand that Harry's starving actually was partly intended. When he then uttered 'the Saviour' Harry lost it. And he promptly realized that he shouldn't have because he could see in those silvergrey eyes that Malfoy knew. That he understood exactly what Harry's words meant. So he ran. First, he ran down to the Dungeons. But at the end of the stairs he fell and scraped his knees and hands on the damp ground. The scathing pain made him conceive how stupid it was of him to come down here to try killing himself. If he did, he'd make sure that the Slytherins would be the ones at blame and of course he didn't want that. They didn't deserve that. They hadn't killed anyone, they had just refused to battle their own parents. They hadn't killed people like Harry had. They shouldn't get the condemnation for this. So he pushed himself off the ground and spurted up the stairs again; towards the Astronomy Tower. There he could follow Dumbledore's path down to the ground and it would be clear that it was Harry who had chosen that route, not anybody else. 

Tears of shame trailed down his face and made his sight blurry but he kept running anyway. He ran and ran. Until he ran into somebody who caught him with strong arms. When he looked up he saw a pair of silvery glittering grey eyes framed by perfectly blond hair. Malfoy. Again.

"Let me go!" Harry shouted. "I've got to go up!"

"Up where?" Malfoy asked, voice low and ridiculously calm. "To the Astronomy Tower? You honestly think I'd let you go so you could run up there and kill yourself, Potter?"

"That's what anyone in their right mind would do." Harry muttered through heavy sobs. 

"Too bad I'm a psychic maniac then." Malfoy countered lightly. "I'm gonna bring you back down to our dormitory and then we'll talk."

"Guess you're right." Harry laughed. There was no warmth in the sound. "You're totally out of your mind if you think it would do you any good trying to talk to me. Didn't you hear me when I told you what happens to those who come near me?"

"I heard you perfectly well, Potter. But I don't care. Now, please, let's go down there."

Harry realized he wouldn't win this fight and fell defeatedly into Malfoy's arms, almost bringing them both to the ground. But Malfoy quickly recovered from the newly added weight and caught them before they fell. Then he half carried Harry the stairs back to the Dungeons where he as rapidly as he could brought Harry into the new Eighth Year Slytherin dormitory they were to inhabit this year. Harry noted that his trunk already was placed at a bed which were attached to another one. It was the only beds that were attached to each other. The rest of the beds were normal singles, placed on the other side of a wall cutting through the room. And based on the luxurious looking luggage that stood next to his he figured that his new neighbour was no other than the man now lifting him up onto his bed. He was let down surprisingly softly and he couldn't help admiring, as well as envy, Malfoy's strength a bit. He wished he could be as strong as him. 

"Now, tell me what's wrong." Malfoy ordered as he sat down next to him. "Tell me why the hell you wish to die. And please try make me understand why you see  _yourself_ as a goddamn murderer when you've even forgiven  _me_ , who actually took the Dark Mark!"

Harry let out a deep breath. He knew there was no point in arguing with Malfoy, but that didn't mean he was eager to tell him everything. He still didn't want to confess about all the people whose blood was stained but invisible on his hands. But, on the other hand, if he did tell everything, then maybe Malfoy would see that Harry had reason behind his thoughts and maybe he would then let him carry on with his attempt to follow Dumbledore's way. So he opened his mouth and let it all flow out. He spoke the words he'd swore to never tell anyone. He spoke about the Dursleys, about his family, about his friends. He didn't dare stop because if he did he might not be able to start again. So he carried on talking, even when they heard loud banging on the door and the shouts from the other Slytherins that wanted to enter, and when Malfoy vociferously told them to piss off. When he finally was done talking his voice was hoarse from overuse and he felt tired. So tired. He just wanted to sleep and he let himself do just that. He fell asleep with his head in Malfoy's lap while Malfoy muttered nonsense words of comfort and reassuringly stroked his hair. 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you might not approve with my characterization of Hermione either, but here's what I think:  
> Hermione is a good girl, and I do like here but I feel like she has always been one to see crimes in black and white. I mean it's Hermione I-go-to-bed-before-you-get-us-killed-or-worse-expelled Granger we're talking about. She hated to break the rules. I admit, she got 'better' at that as time went by, but this is still how I picture here, and that's why I think she would have a hard time completely forgiving the Slytherins. She'll come to it, but they will have to prove themselves to her first. 
> 
> Thanks for reading anyway, and I promise to come up with a new chapter as soon as I can!


	4. A Beginning to an End?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's story of his life has Draco practically stunned. How come Draco - the son to No.1 Death Eater Lucius Malfoy - had such a more lovely childhood than the boy who deserved the best?

* * *

Draco ran down the stairs, hoping he wouldn't be too late. Hoping that Harry wouldn't do something bloody  _stupid_ down there. Halfway down he suddenly saw a dark figure rapidly moving up towards him- Draco immediately recognized Harry. Hell, he would know that boy's shape no matter how scrawny or muscular he was. And he was now running straight towards Draco, though it seemed like he didn't realize Draco was standing in his way. By the frightened and panicked yet determined look Harry wore, Draco soon understood where Harry was headed: Astronomy Tower. But he couldn't let Harry; beautiful lovely Harry Potter kill himself. So Draco steeled himself and got ready for the collision.

He caught Harry and held him firmly in place. Even though he was scandalized by how strongly Harry seemed to be willing to end his life he didn't let it show. Instead, he let his face fall into a calm mask while trying his best to calm the brunette down. When Harry finally gave in and let himself be brought to the dorms, Draco was so relieved he was sure he would've started shaking had it not been for Harry's presence. He needed to stay strong, to be something solid that Harry could hold on to.

Unfortunately - or maybe it was fortunately? - Draco's plan of not showing his reactions openly was ruined the very moment Harry started to speak. Harry's voice held so much genuine (though wrongly so) guilt and shattering sorrow and it was undoubtedly clear he truly believed himself to be the cause of almost every death during the war. Then he spoke of his relatives, about the cupboard under the stairs (which had caused him to become claustrophobic as well as afraid of the dark) and how they had treated him and that he now understood that they had been right in their actions. He spoke about Sirius Black and how even though it directly had been Bellatrix who'd killed him, it was indirectly Harry's fault. He spoke about how it was his fault that Teddy were to grow up without his parents as Harry had been too much of a coward and too weak to face Voldemort earlier. That if he had done everything he did faster he could've saved Fred Weasley. He could've truly saved the Wizarding World but instead he ruined it. He spoke about what a horrible person he was because he had actually cast a Cruciatus Curse. And Draco let his face freeze with every emotion the words made him feel, with everything he felt from each story Harry told. Because even if Draco himself had experienced a lot of terrible scenes during his time in the Dark Lord's company, he had not been exposed to as much evil as Harry had. Harry had been hurt in any thinkable way and yet he was only eighteen years old. Not even most of those who lived to see a hundred years got to live through so much misery as Harry had. It was so unfair! Harry of all people deserved to live the happiest life there could ever be, yet here he sat with hunched shoulders trying to hide from everything and everyone. Despite the fact that the world owed him nothing but love, the most extreme hatred had made Harry a shadow of who he once was, of who he was supposed to be. Fury built up in Draco's chest and he didn't care anymore. He didn't care anymore that the other Slytherin's wanted to get in. He didn't care that Weasley and Granger probably needed to be informed about Harry being suicidal. He didn't care about anything except Harry now resting - for the first time in months as long as Draco was concerned - in his lap and actually looked as if he was at peace. The silence that followed scared Draco. It made it easy for his gloomy thoughts to make themselves heard in his head. He unlocked the door from his bed and happily welcomed the cusses, humps and scuffs from the other Slytherins as they finally could enter their dorms. All too soon though, they had settled into their beds and everything fell silent again. Draco himself continued to sit in the dark, stroking Harry's hair, thinking about what really just had happened. 

Draco had known that the preconception he had had about Harry when he was younger had been wrong. He had known that Harry didn't have the lovely childhood Draco had thought from the start. But he could never have imagined that it even was half as incredulously bad as Harry now had told him it was. And Harry clearly was wrong, nothing of what he had told had been his fault. Draco himself had done worse things - unwillingly though - by the Dark Lord's orders. He had seen and done so much evil that he still got nightmares from every night, which resulted in him being glad if he managed four whole hours of sleep. Most nights it was less, and he always woke up as exhausted as he had been before falling asleep. Still, he had had a life with peace and love  _before_ that, and Harry had not. Draco could feel the rage rise to the top of his chest and he had trouble containing himself from exploding. And he wouldn't want that because that would cause Harry to take up. As far as Draco could tell, this must be the first night since long before the war started that Harry slept soundlessly, and probably  _weeks_ since he slept at all. He imagined that for Harry it was a similar situation as it was for himself: they went to bed like everyone else but didn't really doze off. They just rested. Tried to save some energy so they could get up going again the next morning. So when he now saw Harry's face relaxed under his hands he smiled and decided that from now on he would make it his mission to heal this scarred boy. And with that, he carefully moved away from under Harry's head and laid down behind him. Before his cowardice took control he also let his arms wrap around Harry's waist and fell asleep to the first dreamless sleep he'd had in months, with Harry breathing leisurely at him. 

The morning after, Draco woke up to an empty bed. He quickly shot up from his laying position, as panic rose inside him. He looked fervently around the room, searching for Harry who was nowhere to be seen. He ran up from the bed and magically put his clothes on and within seconds he was off towards the Great Hall to see - though he highly doubted it - if Harry had already gone to eat breakfast. As he half expected, the hall was practically empty except from a few younger students, and he did not find Harry's dark muffled hair there. With a heavy feeling he continued his way out to the outside ground where he had seen Harry emotionally broken the night before. Part of the weight inside him disappeared when he luckily couldn't detect a lifeless body lying anywhere. Though, when he let his eyes wander up towards the Astronomy Tower he sighted a shadow moving up there. A new wave of panic rolled over him as he scalded himself for falling asleep and loose sight of the boy in need when he had known something like this could happen. Quickly, he spurted into the castle again and intensely wished he wouldn't arrive too late.

He didn't. When he finally passed the last step of the staircase, he instantly noticed the messy hair of the boy he was searching for.

"Harry..." he said quietly. "I mean, Potter.. what are you doing up here?"

"The question is what  _you_ are doing up here." Harry muttered. "As you are supposed to despise me now that you know what I've done. You're not supposed to care anymore."

"Of course I care, Potter!" Draco exclaimed. "And nothing of what you said last night is anything I hold against you. It's not your fault the Weasley twin died during the battle..."

"But it is!" Harry cried. "Had I only walked to my inevitable death sooner it could all have ended before that."

"Yeah, or that would result in you losing against the Dark Lord." Draco snapped. "Then maybe even more people would've died at his hands. It's not your fault.. Fred is it? It's not your fault Fred is dead, it's your good deed that the other twin is still alive."

When Harry didn't answer, Draco added, "And you know I'm not gonna let you jump, right?" which made something flicker in Harry's stunning eyes. 

"Yeah... though you're wrong about your view of me. I swear, I'm not the hero everyone thinks."

"Just as I might or might not be the Death Eater they think me to be." Draco countered lowly, but soon realized that he shouldn't have let that slip. He couldn't let anyone know about his darker personal thoughts. "Now let me take you down to the Great Hall and I'll make sure you eat, okey?"

Harry nodded and let Draco pull him off the ground. But Harry's weak legs betrayed him and he feel to the floor again. 

"I can't!" he cried out helplessly and Draco could see something new glimmer in his eyes. Something that contained life.

"Then I'll steady you. I won't leave you. And now I'll force you to eat even more. If you can't even stand on your own anymore, something really has got to be done. Come on."

When he got up, Harry laid heavily on Draco and they slowly made their way to breakfast. They earned several puzzled looks from other students, but Draco couldn't care less. All that mattered was Harry pressed to his side, who maybe finally had started to see reason and started to believe more in himself. Just maybe. He was just maybe starting to let Draco help him let things go.

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter was okey, it feels like it didn't really get anywhere with the intention to show how Draco too has doubts in himself but if you did understand that I guess I managed to reach my goal. If not, I'll have to do something clearer in future chapters. 
> 
> Before, I've asked for simple feedback about the story, but now I'll ask about more help with the language. English is not my first language, so there might be errors here and there. If you see any, please tell me. Someone out there that's good with it might want to message me on tumblr (assassinsdragons.tumblr.com) and offer help with editing and stuff..?
> 
> Thanks for reading anyway!


	5. New Morning

* * *

It was still dark when Harry woke up, but after casting a tempus charm he realized it was just the dungeons that were darkened by its' nature. It was seven o'clock and he was sure that had he been in Gryffindor Tower now, everyone would already be up. Well, at least all of Harry's former dorm-mates. But here in the Slytherin dormitory there was nothing except five people's calm, regular breathing that was disrupting the silence. Slowly, memories of the evening before slipped into Harry's mind. ~~Draco~~  Malfoy! The blonde was laying close to Harry with right arm resting over Harry's left side. At first, Harry felt something warm inside of him - something he'd never felt before - but that feeling quickly disappeared. What was wrong with him? He couldn't possibly stay here, or he would destroy Malfoy. And after all the work and courage he knew Malfoy had put up to get his life back, Harry wouldn't stay to shatter that. Harry knew the pale male didn't deserve even a tenth of all the crap people threw at him, as it in the end had been Draco and Narcissa who saved him and the rest of the world. So it was Ron, Hermione, Draco, Narcissa and Neville who were supposed to be treated majestically; not Harry. And if Harry stayed, the darkness that surrounded him would swallow them as well. He could not let that happen. Carefully, he slinked out of Malfoy's embrace and slowly headed towards the tower he had meant to visit last night.

To Harry's great surprise, he felt somewhat strange when he breathed in the cold morning air on top of the tower. He's exhausted. He didn't feel the urge to keep on living. But he also didn't feel ready to die yet. Torn by his incapability to decide right off-hand, he started going through the reasons he didn't have the right to continue living in this world. The list is long. There are so many disasters, heartbreaks and deaths that should be blamed on him. Still, Malfoy had mumblingly told him the night before that Sirius death hadn't been his fault - that Bellatrix had a personal grudge against him and would have gone after him sometime anyway. Maybe he was right? He should have better judgement than Harry had. But it didn't really matter though. All the other deaths were still on Harry's hands. One nasty fallout more or less shouldn't make any difference. Conclusively, Harry didn't have a place here.

"Harry..." a quiet voice interrupted his thoughts. A voice he'd never forget (How did it even manage to be snarky yet soft and caring at the same time?). Malfoy. Though Harry couldn't even admit it to himself, he felt relieved to hear the other boy's words. Even though he  _knew_ he had long passed his fated day to die and shouldn't sit here alive, he didn't  _want_ to die. Not really. Or well, he wanted to die, to retreat from everything, but he didn't want to  _die_. Nonetheless, he was supposed to be dead, and no one was supposed to care. Especially not Draco Malfoy. But here he was, clearly having forgiven Harry as he shouted out how he cared about him. Harry remembered the warmth Malfoy had radiated earlier that morning: a warmth that wasn't too hot as the Fiendfyre had been, or as suffocating as the love from the Weasleys and Hermione. It was a calming feeling of someone, whose dispensation mattered most in the world, caring about you. And as Malfoy's hand came around Harry's to help him up, he again felt that steady fervor flow into him. When Harry fell to the ground moments later, he immediately mourned the loss of the steadiness and he cried out loudly. But soon an even greater doze of affection was thrown upon him as Malfoy wrapped his arm tightly around Harry's chest and helped him up again. His voice and words held much determination and powerfulness which gave Harry the strength to keep going, but there was also a tinge of cordial kindness in there and Harry let it calm his flooded mind.

The Great Hall was crowded when they arrived and Harry could tell most of the students were uttermost surprised to see him entry the room while leaning heavily against someone he earlier hadn't been able to even stand sharing a room with. But he found he didn't care. All that mattered was Malfoy's solid presence into which Harry could retreat whenever he wanted to. It was weird, to let everything go again. It reminded him of how it used to be between him and Ron and Hermione, though he could not quite remember what had happened to make everything different now; why he couldn't lean onto them as he had before. He could sense something in the very back of his mind that probably held the answer to that question, but he didn't have time to find out what it was as he and Draco had arrived at the Eighth Year table.

"Wait here, will you?" Draco asked softly when he'd let Harry down on the seat next to Ron. "I need to go speak with the Headmistress, but you'll be okey for a few seconds, right?"

"Hm, I guess," mumbled Harry down to the table. 

"C'mon mate," Ron said. "Let Draco have some rest, and tell me and 'Mione what you did during the summer." When Harry looked entirely horrified by the idea he quickly added: "or you could just join us checking our timetables..?"

Harry let his friend's words calm him down and nodded and Draco left with a quick smile. After comparing the schedules a minute or so it became clear that Ron's and Harry's were almost exactly identical except for a few classes that Ron shared with Hufflepuffs and Harry with Ravenclaws. Which wasn't too weird after all since they had been aiming for the same career as Aurors and therefore took the same subjects. However, Harry felt like there was a bunch of Blast-Ended Skrewts running around and biting in his stomach as he looked at the parchment. How much he would like to share classes with Ron, he still didn't want to do this. He didn't want to fight Dark Magic and evil anymore. For the nth time since yesterday morning he felt like coming back to Hogwarts had been a mistake. Again, though, his thoughts were disrupted by Malfoys as he held up a bowl of cereals in front of him.

"Eat." he demanded.

Harry looked at the food and grimaced. Nothing really looked tasty anymore.

"You have to." Draco said. "We're not going to leave until you've eaten at least five spoons."

"But classes..."

"They don't matter if you're dead. Now eat."

He sighed and stretched his arm towards the spoon. That's when someone behind him cleared their throat and he almost jumped out of his skin of shock. When he turned around he was met by a shameful looking Seamus.

"Uh.. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry..." he said. "I didn't mean to be so rude. To the both of you," he mentioned towards Harry and Draco, "It was wrong of me to talk about you like that."

"It's alright." Draco nodded stiffly and flashed an uncertain smile, so different from his usual smirk. "I understand why..."

"Yeah, no, but..." Seamus mumbled. "It was still unfair of me. I'm sorry."

Draco nodded again and Seamus left. Immediately, Draco's and Ron's attention was drawn back to Harry who sighed and picked up the silverware. Slowly he dug it into the bowl. What he had thought to be yogurt he now discovered was milk and he looked up at Draco, surprise clearly shown in his face. 

"I imagined that anything less liquid would be too harsh together with the cereals for you, as I guess you've been living on nothing but water the past days." the blonde explained and he heard two sharp intakes of breath that he guessed came from Ron and Hermione. Ignoring them, Harry hummed in response before lifting the spoon to his mouth. The milk felt cool against his throat and it tasted sweet, but the cereals felt and tasted like sour rocks. He started to choke and was utterly relieved when the bits were spelled away by Ron. 

"Sorry, oat was apparently too much you. I wonder how I'll get those fibers into you now..?" he wondered undered his breath. Mere seconds later his face shined up and he drew his wand and cast a quick spell. "This should do it. Try again, Potter."

Harry eyed the bowl skeptically while he could feel it thrum from the magic cast upon it. The cereals were gone, and it looked like milk, alright, but Harry could feel something was off with it. With a shaking hand he scooped ip another spoon and let the content enter his mouth. The milk tasted just as before and the consistence felt the same as well. No trace of any fibres was in there. Confused, he looked up at Malfoy. 

"What did you do?" he asked.

"Transfiguration." Malfoy answered simply. "Almost like turning bread into wine, but instead this case offered cereals that should be transformed into milk. Did you like it?"

"Hem.. yeah.." Harry answered, now letting himself inspect the other boy. He was muscular, that was for sure, but his cheeks were still a bit more sunken in than they had in a time Harry remembered seeing the other completely healthy. "You need to eat too, Malfoy."

The blonde looked stunned for a moment but then broke into a blinding smirk. 

"Of course, Potter." he said and accioed an apple. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright. It matters to some of us that our yearmate and friend Harry Potter lives, you know. Right, Weasley?"

" 'Course, Malfoy." Ron agreed cheerfully, though Harry could still hear the concern and worry hidden in his voice. "Our friend Harry isn't someone we want to lose. But I've got to go... prepare for class. You coming, 'Mione?"

Surprised by the sudden attention she got, Hermione blushed a bit but nodded before rising from her seat. When they'd let Harry turned to Draco.

"Don't we have to get ready as well?"

"I don't deem that necessary just yet, Mr. Potter." an all-knowing voice above them said. Right behind them stood Headmistress McGonagall. "I rather find it crucial for you and me to have a meeting this morning. Mr. Malfoy's presence would certainly ease the situation if you'd let him accompany us to my office.

"Of-of course, Headmistress." Harry stressed.

"But please, finish off your meal. You are in no hurry. Come by my room when you're done. You're professors will be informed about your absence from classes."

"Right, so three and a half spoons left." Draco commanded as the mistress strode away, and Harry urgently stuffed another spoon into his mouth. What could Malfoy possibly have talked about McGonagall if she believed it to be important with such a short-noticed meeting? Surely, he hadn't explained that Harry was a murderer and that she would now let Aurors bring him to Azkaban, had he? It would be rightful, yes, but Harry would much rather just kill himself than let a Dementor once again remind him of his mother's scream as Voldemort killed her. 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter was a bit weird as well, which is why I couldn't find a fitting chapter summary. It's sort of a in-between part of the story, where it happens a lot at the same time as nothing happens as well. Though I believe the next upcoming chapter will have bugger events so I ask you to have patience 'til I've written it.  
> Thanks for reading it anyways!


	6. Revealed

* * *

Genuine relief washed over Draco when Harry let Weasley distract him. The shock of him and Harry being seen close together had subsided and no one from the other houses paid any attention to Draco when he made his way up to the staff's table. 

"Headmistress," he called when he arrived and the woman looked wonderingly down at him. "I believe I need your help. With Harry. I mean Potter."

"Is that so?" she asked. "As I'm glad to see the two of you are getting along, I think I know what you indicate on needing help with, but could you please be more precise with exactly what I can do to help?"

"Yes, of course, Ma'am," Draco said, happy that the headmistress hadn't dismissed him with a uncaring wave the moment he opened his mouth, since he knew the mistress had her rightful doubts with him. "I'm sure you've noticed Ha-Potter's tendency to withdraw himself from everything and the incident last night was.. well.. alarming."

McGonagall nodded when Draco fell quiet and motioned for him to continue.

"Well, I went after him then, and I got to know things that made me feel at even more unease. He.. blames himself for everything that happened during the war. At least everything except the victory. And he told me that.. his relatives had been right and that he wasn't supposed to exist. He... he's suicidal, professor."

While Draco spoke, McGonagall's face got paler and paler, and he could see that she truly cared deeply for the other boy. 

"I've sworn upon the Manor that I'll try help him... to get him back, but I believe we need to change some things in his education to make his recover possible. For one, I have a hard time believing that he still wants to become an Auror. Honestly, I don't really know  _what_ he wants to do, but a career as an Auror might be too... full of memories. Also, I do believe it would be beneficial if you could set up meetings with Madam Pomfrey to help him instead of studying some subjects. I'm not meaning to disgrace your classes but I consider it more important to heal him up than teaching him how to cast a Patronus along with the other Eighth Years. Especially since he already knows how to do that..."

"Mr Malfoy, I deeply appreciate your concern for our dear Harry Potter, though I do wonder where this care for him comes from..? Yet, I will certainly take all you said to evaluation as I decide the most rightful way to handle the situation. Thank you for coming to me."

"Of course, professor." Draco smiled. "As for my care for him. I have always cared about him, ever since the first time I met him at Madam Malkin's. I was just foul and stupid back then. You must know I severely regret my former actions and I wish to repay them in any way possible."

"I'm glad to hear, Mr Malfoy. Is there anything else you wish to ask?"

"Actually, there is. What do you think is the best to give him to eat? He hasn't eaten properly in weeks so I doubt a full meal of bread and fruits and tarts would be tolerated by his system."

She smiled and gestured towards Madam Pomfrey and Draco understood what she meant. He quickly went over to ask the other woman and was soon on his way back to Harry and Weasley. When he glanced at them he saw how Harry had once again slipped out of the conversation and Weasley sat next to him looking worried and concerned. How much he hated to admit it, he actually start to like him - not that he had anything in particular against this specific Weasley, he had just been raised to look down on his family (wrongfully so, he knew) and the old habit seemed to die very hard even though he tried actively to strangle it. His father were sure to kill him if he knew Draco's thoughts right now. Hastily, Draco put down the bowl of milk he had gotten from Pomfrey and took out a bit of parchment and a black feather quill from his robe pockets. He wrote a small note with a few instructions and place and time for a meeting before picking up the bowl again. When he arrived at the table he handed Weasley the note without Harry seeing it and thrust the bowl in front of the dark haired boy. After he had solved the problems that occurred with the cereals Harry suddenly told him to eat as well. Stunned by how caring Harry seemed to be, Draco stared at him a while before smiling. If Harry'd started to  _actively_ try help others, something must've changed for the better, mustn't it? When McGonagall later graced them with her presence to invite the two of them to her office, he felt like a heavy burden had been lifted from his chest. They would get help. 

As McGonagall still operated as Transfiguration professor, she'd chosen to keep her old office. That's where Draco and Harry now entered an open doorway. 

"Ah, gentlemen, please sit down and have a cup of tea and a biscuit." McGonagall greeted and they did as she said. "As I'm certain you know, Mr Potter, Mr Malfoy came up to me earlier today to discuss some serious matters. I found his words incredibly worrying which is why I asked you here. Do you know exactly what this regards, Mr Potter?"

Harry shook his head slightly and opened his mouth as if to speak but he closed it again seconds later. 

"Then please, let me inform you. Mr Malfoy told me that he had doubts in your career choice. Not as in you being unfitting for the position as an Auror but as in you not wanting to be an Auror anymore. Is that assumption correct?"

"Yes. No. I mean.." Harry grunted. "I don't want to work as an Auror, nor do I have the right to."

"And why is that, Mr Potter?"

"There's too much blood on my hands to deem me fitting to have such a trustful position."

"Though I certainly do not agree with you on that, and don't understand what you mean with what you just said, I do understand the first point you made. You don't want to be an Auror anymore. What do you wish to do instead?"

"I don't know... nothing... I really don't want to do anything."

"I understand. I will give you two weeks to come up with something. That will be your homework for Transfiguration. The rest is nothing you need to do. Now, to the next topic of this meeting, to which I'm pleased that Mr Malfoy is here to attend. He told me he was worried about your health, physical as well as psychological."

"He needn't be." Harry muttered. 

"Well, I do Har-Potter." Draco interrupted (Merlin, he needed to stop almost saying Harry!). "I care, and it's clear something needs to be done!"

"And that's why I have decided upon the following plan." McGonagall continued as if Harry's and Draco's exchange of words hadn't happened, though Draco could hear a new concerned interest in her voice. "You are to drop all subjects except Potions, Transfiguration and Defense Against the Dark Arts, at least until Christmas. Instead of lessons you will visit the Hospital Wing where Madam Pomfrey will work with getting your physical health back. As it is with your mental health, this is something we will set Mr Malfoy to work with. Though, there is things about this that he has to decide for himself. I have two alternatives for you: one is that you keep all your subjects and have meetings with Mr Potter during each meal, evenings and weekends, and the other is that you drop some classes; History of Magic, Care for Magical Creatures and Astronomy for example, and spend that time in Mr Potter's company."

"But, Headmistress," Draco said, "I don't understand. You want  _me_ to help him heal mentally? On my own? Aren't Madam Pomfrey or Granger or Weasley better fitted for that?"

"I apprehend your perplexity, but for Mr Potter both Madam Pomfrey and I agree that you are well fitted for this. Will you, please, decide upon which option you will go for?"

"Uh, sure.. I mean certainly, ma'am." Draco stuttered. "The second alternative seems magnificent."

"Thank you. Mr Potter, Mr Malfoy, thank you for coming by. You are dismissed and I suggest you immediately head to your meeting with Mr Weasley and Miss Granger. They're already waiting for you in the Eighth Year Common Room."

Draco immediately stood up and turned to Harry who sat openmouthed and stared disbelievingly at McGonagall.

"Come here, Potter," Draco said, "we are going to another  _important_ meeting."

Harry let Draco lead him out of the office but as soon as the door shut close behind them he exclaimed:

"She didn't arrest me!"

"What?" Draco uttered, confused. "Why would she have you arrested?"

"Because of all the people I killed, of course!"

"Harry James Potter, you'll listen carefully to every bloody word I'm going to say now," Draco said demandingly, putting his hands on Harry's shoulders and holding hi firmly in place. "Lupin did  _not_ die because of you. Dora Tonks did  _not_ die because of you. Cedric did  _not_ die because of you. Dobby did  _not_ die because of you. They all died because of the maniac that invaded my home. _You_ gave Dobby freedom and a friend: the life he had always dreamt of.  _You_ gave Tonks and Lupin a reason to fight for their love. Cedric was probably proud to die by your side though he definitely also was pissed at the Dark Lord for making him leave you in that grave yard all by yourself.  _You_ are not to be blamed! Do you understand?"

Harry nodded but stared down on the floor, he refused to meet Draco's eyes. Draco sighed and dragged Harry onwards to the common room. 

The room was furnished with armchairs and sofas that seemed incredulously comfortable. Surprisingly, most furniture were colored in emerald green and silver, Slytherin's colours, but somehow it seemed warmer than the original Slytherin rooms. In a collection of  three black and green armchairs and a silver pairsofa around a deep blue table he glimpsed the two figures of Weasley and Granger. They turned to them at the same time and Draco smiled shyly to them. Even though he and Weasley seemed to get along, that didn't mean they had become friends - yet - and Granger seemed to keep a coldness whenever she was around Draco and the other Slytherins. She had clearly not forgiven him for all those years of bullying. And Draco understood. He even thought she was partially right. He didn't quite deserve the redemption he had gotten. But right now he couldn't let himself worry about that: Harry was more important.

"I believe we haven't properly introduced ourselves before." he said and held out his hand to Weasley. "Hello, I'm Draco Malfoy."

"Hah, hello Malfoy. I'm Ron Weasley." Weasley said with a broad smile and shook his hand. "And this is my girlfriend, Hermione Granger." he continued with a wave of his hand towards the girl.

"Good morning, miss Granger, pleasure to meet you." Draco smiled and to his great delight she took his hand when he offered it. "Now, we have some information to exchange with each other.. Har-Potter, would you please sit down here with me?" he asked when Weasley and Granger seated themselves in one armchair, Granger on Weasley's lap. "I'm sorry, but I believe I need to hear your story from another perspective to make some things clear. Would you give me the pleasure of telling me that?"

Granger hesitated but then Weasley started telling everything, starting from their first year at Hogwarts and Granger joined him soon enough. Harry and Draco just sat listening. Draco got it confirmed that he had been right in his assumptions that Harry  _had_ been a hero in more than one way, as well as he had made human mistakes. He also noticed that the pair lacked details from Harry's personal lives, which showed him how little Harry had let out of his shell. When they were done he turned to Harry and smirked.

"See? You are absolutely  _not_ to be blamed for any murder that was committed by the Dark Side. You are not a horrible human, Harry."

* * *

 

 


	7. True Friends

* * *

The meeting with McGonagall was inwardly very emotional for Harry, though he figured he mostly only showed the confusion. He had naturally been nervous when he entered the room, but that was nothing compared to the fear he felt when McGonagall used the words 'Mr Malfoy came up to me earlier to discuss some matters. I found his words worrying, which is why I've asked you here.' Malfoy had obviously told her everything and now he was undoubtedly going to be arrested. But then she started talking about his health. So, now he was  _not_ to be arrested.? They were actually caring for him instead. Harry's confusion soon switched into anger. Why didn't they understand that they shouldn't worry or care about him? All the same, Malfoy soon made it clear that he distinctly cared and wouldn't stop doing that, and something in his stormy eyes made Harry unable to speak up. Well, they didn't only make it impossible to argue with him - they made Harry's mouth go dry in such a way that he couldn't utter a single sound at all. Something flipped in his stomach and he looked away from the emotional eyes. What was going on with him? He didn't get the chance to start ponder about that though, as McGonagall used his inability to speak to express her plans: him paying visits to Madam Pomfrey and chats with... Malfoy. Harry was doomed. Malfoy would definitely  _never_ let Harry go until his problems were solved (as if they could be). He had showed as much in the last two hours as well as in the two last days. But maybe it wouldn't be too bad, Malfoy  _had_ actually numbed to pain in Harry's chest a bit already. Maybe it would be worth it..? But then again, Harry didn't deserve it. Certainly the Headmistress knew that much.? She was probably only saving some time. Any moment now, three Aurors would storm inside through the door behind him and dramatically arrest him.

That didn't happen. A few minutes later, he and Malfoy had been dismissed. Nothing had happened. Harry was so confused he barely noticed how Draco dragged him away. Only when he heard the door click as it closed, could he snap back to reality.

"She didn't arrest me!" he shouted. 

The look on Malfoy's face clearly showed that he lacked understanding of Harry's outburst. When Harry explained though, those grey eyes started showing something else: a mixture of anger and sorrow, concern and fear and despite everything, hope. Harry would recognize the sparkle that appeared in someone's eyes when they felt hope anywhere. What the other boy was hopeful about though, he could not understand, and that made him deeply contemplative. Yet, he let himself follow Malfoy as he had only heard McGonagall's orders vaguely in the background of his thoughts, not gathering the words properly. Apparently, they headed to the new Eighth Year Common Room. In there, everything was colored in Slytherin's colors. To his great surprise, Harry found he actually liked it. A lot. It was much more stylish that the Gryffindor Common Room had been. The next scene that happened seemed too surreal and Harry couldn't tell for sure if it really was happening: Malfoy offered his best friends the opportunity to start all over again, as almost-friends. And they both took it. Even Hermione! If this wasn't surprising enough, they also started telling their story of defeating Voldemort when they were asked to. Their version was remarkably different from the stories that had been published in the  _Daily Prophet_ and the one Harry had in his head. Because, the way they told everything, the way they pictured him (and other characters) didn't make him seem to be the hero media wanted him to be, nor the villain he thought of himself as. They made him appear to be a normal boy, a human, who used all his power and sources to save his friends. They saw him as no other than their best friend Harry James Potter. When Draco opened his mouth and said 'See? You are absolutely not to be blamed for any murder the Dark Side committed. You are  _not_ a horrible human, Harry.' everything got too much and Harry broke into tears. Why did they care for him? Why did it matter so much to Malfoy, who was now hugging him closely, that Harry stayed alive and got happy? He didn't understand!

"Why?" he asked when his sobs had eased enough to make it possible to speak somewhat comprehendible again. "Why am I deserving of you? Why should you be so kind to me? I _did_ actually do horrible things, and you know that."

"Yes, Harry," Hermione said, "but so did everyone. I mean, look at Malfoy sitting there comforting you. _He was a Death Eater._ He was on  _Voldemort's_ side. And you've forgiven him. Why shouldn't everyone forgive you for some human mistakes you did while playing your significant role in defeating the Dark Side? You lost your parents. You lost your Godfather. You lost your father's best friends - your friends. You lost your own friends. Anyone would've gone mad completely from losing so much, but you stayed strong into the very end. You are definitely worth more than you seem to think you are, Harry."

"Yeah," Ron continued. "And you actually went into that forest to _die_ for the sake of the world. No one but you could've been brave enough to do that."

"Regulus Black did." Harry broke in, now breathing more easily, leaning his head into Malfoy's chest. "He went to do things he knew would kill him."

"Yes, and he will be remembered as a hero, Harry." Ron said. "And Malfoy here, he will be too. Even though I'm sure he did ghastly things under Voldemort's watch, he also did outstanding things that made it possible for us to win. If he can be crowned as a hero along with us, so can you. You're one of the heroes of our time. So am I and 'Mione and Ginny and George and Mom, Mrs Malfoy and Dad. Yeah, everyone who put their helping hand into the war."

A strangled sob that wasn't Harry's sounded through the room, and Harry looked up to see tears running down Malfoy's face. Slowly, Malfoy retreated his arms from around Harry and walked over to Ron and Hermione. 

"Thank you." he said thickly but earnestly. "It truly means a lot that you don't despise me. Or Mother. That my poor attempts to help weigh up my failed participation on the Dark Side and you don't hate me. Especially coming from you, Granger. I know neither of you three will be able to forget what I did, how mean I was to you, but only the slightest of redemption from you makes me feel so much better. Thank you." He held out his hand to them, but instead of shaking it, Hermione pulled him into a hug. 

"I probably won't be able to forgive you completely, but as Ron said, you did help us winning, and that is enough for me to not hate you. And evidently, you are good for our best friend, which makes it hard to even dislike you, as much as I wish I could." she said before releasing him. "Now, you've spoken with McGonagall. What did she say?"

Malfoy quickly explained the situation for them and told them about the Headmistress' plan.

"Wait," Ron said when Malfoy fell silent. "You're saying that you've given up most of your classes to help Harry.. but you're also aware that you're classified as an ex-Death Eater by other... you'll probably need as many N.E.W.T.s as possible to get a decent job! You're sure you want to do this?"

Harry could, regardless of the damp light, see a faint blush creep up Malfoy's throat before he answered. 

"To save Harry James Potter's life, anything is worth throwing away."

Then he ran out of the room, leaving the trio looking at the closing door, stunned. Ron recovered from the shock first.

"You should probably go after him, Harry. He needs you."

It was all Harry could do to contain himself from rushing wildly to Malfoy's side when Hermione nodded in agreement. Stiffly, he stood up and made his way towards the door in a as normal gait as he could muster - which he figured didn't look normal at all to his best friends, but still. The moment he stepped out of their view though, he instantly set of in a rapid pace down to the dungeons.

As he had been expecting, he found Malfoy sitting on their connected beds. The blond didn't seem to hear Harry enter for he just continued hugging his pillow fiercely with his face buried in it.

"Malfoy.." Harry started, but it sounded wrong in his ears. "Draco," he corrected and even though it sounded a lot better, he hadn't been prepared for his own reaction to saying the name. His skin grew hot and his entire chest warmed up, making him feel as light weighted as a feather. "Draco, are you alright?"

"Of course not, Harry!" Draco retorted sadly. "I made it sound as if I've gone mental! Granger will never let me tend you now..."

"Shut it. You didn't screw anything up, you know. I think you only made it clear that you're doing this for me and not with some self preserving intentions."

After a moment of silence Draco muttered: "What if it's both, though?"

"Huh.?"

"Of course I'm doing this for you, Harry, I... really do care for you, and I have since... well, it doesn't matter. But I'm also doing this for myself. Because, firstly, I can't imagine living in a world in which _you_ do not exist. And secondly, I wanted us to be friends. I wanted to become a friend of yours because you always made me feel alive. And I've been feeling awfully dead the last months."

"Draco..." Harry said, and even though grief was clear in his voice, an honest smile played on he lips - the first he'd worn in a very long time. "We already are friends. So you could at least check off one of those points."

Trembling, Draco wiped away his tears and smiled back. The special smile, almost-smirk, that Harry knew only Draco could pull off, made Harry feel even lighter and without warning a laugh escaped his mouth. Once he had started, he found he couldn't stop and seconds later, Draco joined him. Oh Merlin, he loved the sound of that laugh.

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to make it clear; I know depressions don't go away very easily, and that's not what has happened here. Harry has only gotten a moment in which the haunting voices are drowned by Draco's voice. I thought it would be a nice gift on Harry's birthday, to give out a chapter of a happier sort. 
> 
> From today on, my swimming practice has started again, so I don't know how much time or energy I will have to write anymore. What that means is that even though I will continue with this story, it might take a bit longer between each update. I will however, try hard not to drop the pace I have now too much. 
> 
> Lastly, thanks for reading! Feedback and other thoughts are always welcome! (I especially ask for some tips with how to write Ron's dialogues to make it seem more like it's him speaking..)


	8. A Customary Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long, but training have started and I've had other things to do. But here this chapter is anyway and I hope it is good for now (despite being quite short). I WILL try to post the next chapter quite soon to make up for the long wait though so...

Granger and Weasley's words warmed Draco's heart almost equally much as Harry's breath ghosting on his skin did. And after the war, Draco was no longer scared of showing emotions - at least not in front of those he knew fairly well - so now he let his tears of gratitude fall freely as he rose to shake their hands. Surprisingly, Granger was the one to pull him into a hug, not Weasley, and her next words caused new tears to well up in Draco's eyes. He went back to sit next to Harry, and instantly felt how Harry leaned into him. A smug smile played on the corner of his mouth because that must mean Harry'd started to trust him, right? That he felt safe around Draco. That should mean Harry would give life another chance, shouldn't it? Honestly, Draco had been afraid Harry would be reluctant to the plan or at least Draco's participation in it, but the green eyed boy hadn't uttered a single word of complaint, so Draco had started to feel a bit more at ease with the situation. The situation that he now explained to Grang - no, she was Hermione now, and the boy's name was Ron - Hermione and Ron. He briefly told what had happened the day before, beginning with how Harry had run into their compartment on the train and then stayed there with him and the rest of the returning Eighth Year Slytherins. He told them about Harry not eating and how Harry had blamed everything on himself, emphasising on how that was  _not_ true, casting a glance at Harry's  ~~beautiful~~ face. And he retold them what had been said in McGonagall's office. What came to pass next, he never could've prepared himself for: Ron showed concern for  _him._ For him, Draco! He asked if Draco really wanted to throw away his (probably) only chance to get a future for the sake of Harry. Without thinking, he answered.

"To save Harry James Potter's life, anything is worth throwing away."

As soon as he said it he knew he had spoiled everything. The words were too close to the truth, yet they tasted sour on his tongue. And it was a truth he didn't want to acknowledge. A truth that had begun sometime a few years ago, though Draco couldn't specify the very moment it started. He had developed feelings for the Golden Boy. And that didn't work for someone like him. First, he had been destined to join the Dark Side, to work with those who wanted Harry killed. Second, he was a Malfoy and Malfoys was  _not_ homosexual. And they did not yearn for things the could not get. And thirdly, the boy of interest was Harry Potter, the most famous wizard in the world. He could never love Draco back and if anyone found out that Draco liked Harry, they would use that information mercilessly. 

So Draco fled. He had said enough and if he stayed he would only make things even worse. He ran down to his dormitory and crept onto the bed. Without really knowing it, he grabbed his pillow and hugged it close to his chest. When he half a minute later realized he held it, he let his head bend down so it became covered and then he screamed. The sound was muffled but it still rang loudly through the room and he felt relief for being alone. If people saw him now they'd thought he was mental. Maybe they were right. Who wouldn't go mad if they spent years in the company of the Dark Lord? If it wasn't for Harry, Draco would probably have become as crazy as his father. Somewhere far away he heard someone call his last name. Someone whose voice he had memorized since the first time they spoke to him. Immediately, he fought to get back to reality.

"Draco..." said the voice again. The way his name sounded when Harry said it cleared any thought Draco had had before in the blink of an eye. But Harry's presence also reminded him of what had happened: he had ruined everything, made a fool out of himself. But as Harry kept replying the opposite to him as he tried to explain his grievance made him feel better quicker than he had ever thought possible (Harry must know some sort of spell to make it work, this was not  _normal_!). When Harry started to laugh all of a sudden, Draco felt like he was floating on clouds - was it even possible to feel like this so soon after a mental breakdown?! And Salazar's riches, he was so happy to hear the other boy's clear laugh.

When the two boys had calmed down from several fits of laughter, they found themselves tangled together and sheets stretched around and between them. With mediocre difficulty they freed each other from the fabrics and went out of the room to walk through the castle. They went side by side, talking about everything and nothing quite like how things had been on the train the day before. Only now they were alone to enjoy each other's company. They made their way to sixth floor and found a window that looked out over the Great Lake. 

"Maybe we could ask the house-elves for a basket of food, and go out there to eat our lunch?" Draco suggested after a while. "It's not very cold and..."

"It would be great!" Harry smiled. "I don't think I can relax enough in the Great Hall anyway. Too many people. And attention."

"Oh, right, but I was going to propose... never mind." Draco said and looked down on the floor.

"You were gonna say what, Draco?" Harry asked and Draco almost fell over. Merlin, would he ever to get used to Harry using his first name?

"We should... invite Hermione and Ron as well. And maybe... Theo?"

"That sounds brilliant! Pansy and Blaise can come too, as long as the entire school doesn't manage follow us."

"I'm a Slytherin! I was  _born_ to sneak around without getting caught." Draco laughed and they went to wait for Hermione and Ron outside the History of Magic classroom. As soon as they had informed the pair of what was planned they ran off to get their fellow Slytherins. Theo was immediately interested in the idea but Pansy explained they thought they needed more time to adjust to being acquainted with those they once had betrayed before going on "lunch dates" with them. 

 

A quarter of an hour later the group had gathered the food and walked towards the Entrance Hall.

"Where are you guys headed?" someone to their right asked and when turned around Draco saw it was the Weasley-girl standing with her arms around Lovegood. 

"What do you care, Ginny?" Ron sniffed. "It doesn't really matter to you, anyway."

"You seem to be quite an odd gang, that's all" the red-haired girl retorted. 

"It's not very strange if you think about it," Ron said irritably. "We're in the same class, mostly, and we all fought the same war. Why shouldn't we be spending time together?"

Before the girl could answer, Ron dragged them all out through the grand doors.

"What was that about?" Hermione asked.

"We argued last night after Seamus' row in the Great Hall. She thought it strange I took the Slytherin's side rather than Seamus' and such bullshit."

"Weird," Harry muttered, "I never saw her as that kind of person - almost racist.."

"Well, she's always been determined and stubborn, you know that. But hopefully Luna will help her understand that everyone deserves a second chance."

"You really think so, do you Weasley?" Theo asked a bit astounded. "That everyone deserves another try?"

"Yeah, that's probably what I learnt the most through the past years."

The hour continued in a comfortable manner and Draco thought everyone seemed to have a good time. By the end of the lunch an owl came with a letter addressed to Draco and Harry. The note was signed by McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey, and it stated that the two boys would get their new schedules by the next day and needn't worry for classes that afternoon. Because of that they offered to clean up the dishes on their own so the others could head back to the castle. After that, the two boys spent their afternoon in the Eighth Year Common Room talking, playing Exploding Snap and reading silently. Everything went so smoothly it was almost surreal. It was  _too_ good. Later that night, Draco found out that he was quite right in his feeling of this being the calm before the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Attention! I do NOT hate Ginny! And I promise you, she won't be lie this all the time. She's just not liking the idea of befriending those who have betrayed her so many times. Though, she will learn that most of them really have changed and blah blah blah. So just so you know, she won't be this "bitchy" all the time! That would not serve that girl right. I just wanted to be a bit realistic - after all, it was Draco's father that made her get Tom Riddle's diary so she could get possessed by the Dark Lord and so, so obviously, she can't just forgive them at once. Trust is something you have to build up - and it takes even more work to do that if it once have been ruined. 
> 
> Comments and feedback are very much welcome because I need some support to keep this going. Thank you for reading!


	9. Conflicted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things seemed to be alright. It was getting better. He was forgetting the pain a bit - or at least Draco had helped him numb it out. But then it wasn't alright anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like this chapter makes many details a bit clearer but I don't really know. The time is 01:25 am here and I don't rally know how to cope with my writing atm... Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy the reading.

* * *

It felt so relieving to just laugh. And with every new glance Harry threw at Draco, he laughed even harder. Because, Merlin, that boy totally transformed into someone else when he laughed and Harry wanted him to stay that way. The stiff mask he usually wore disappeared and revealed an entirely new person. This person was someone who had his happy life clear in sight and he faced it enthusiastically. And this person didn’t have a _pointy_ face, only angular bones that cut his face beautifully. His grey eyes was glittering with joie de vivre and the glow lighted up the entire room: made everything shimmer in silver. The pale scars running from just below his left eye, down his throat and then continuing to end somewhere Harry didn’t know seemed not to be scars but simple, beautiful ornaments embellishing across his face. Even before this madness with lives falling apart and such, Harry had thought of Draco’s hair as admirably elegant and charming, but now, with his shining eyes, open face and smiling lips it seemed the blond hair had gotten a new life. In a few places, strands pointed in different directions, giving it a wild, messy look. A look Harry found he rather liked to see on Draco. It made him look free.

Walking calmly through the castle, while speaking easily with each other, Harry realized he hadn’t thought about his guilt or felt ashamed about what had happened in the war at all since after leaving the Common Room. And Draco’s low voice, continually uttering questions to Harry made it almost impossible for him to concentrate on anything but what Draco was telling him. He _did_ feel a sting of guilt because of that though. It didn’t really matter what the others said, he still didn’t deserve all the kindness he was given. Nonetheless, he didn’t get much time to ponder that, since Draco interrupted his thoughts again to suggest a picnic for lunch. The way he said it made Harry unable to decline. He seemed to really want to _eat_ by the lake with Harry and some of their friends - not only push his thoughts of Harry’s lack of joy for living onto him. He wanted to spend time with a new friend, as well as with old friends. And who were Harry to deny him what he deserved? Draco had fought until he was free from his dark past and for that he deserved everything. Well, at least everything that made him happy. If that, at the moment, was to have Harry accompanying him for lunch even though Harry in the long run only would have a bad influence on him, so be it. He was to grant the blond’s wish. And with their other friends present, hopefully Harry’s demons were not to disturb Draco’s happiness.

Ginny Weasley had always been someone Harry could trust and rely on. When his own mind deceived him, he could turn to her for her words of wisdom. She could always unravel twists and Harry had always thought of her as a wise woman. So, when she showed her resentment towards the Slytherins and Ron told that she refused to back down even a little bit he was utterly perplexed. Out of everyone he knew, Ginny would be the one he thought could understand that the Slytherins weren’t worthy of all the hatred they got. She _knew_ how Voldemort manipulated and forced people to do terrible things, so why did she blame his victims? Her words brought up a fierce fury inside Harry. But as soon as he recognized the feeling, he forced it away: even though Ginny was unfairly judging others, _he_ was not one to be mad with her. After all, he was a much worse person. Ginny had done enough good to make it legitimate to overlook her mercilessness. Harry had not. Which meant he had no right to direct this anger of his towards her. He therefore focused on his company. Soon enough, he had forgotten all bout their encounter with Ron’s younger sister in the Entrance Hall.

They had settled down under a few trees and it was clear everyone in the group was pleased with the arrangement. Harry was seated between Ron and Draco - a seating that was starting to become vastly familiar. But no one was complaining. These people didn’t see Harry as their saviour, but as their friend and thereby didn’t care whether they got to sit in his lap to a bit further away from him than others. That made Harry confident with himself and the situation and he sincerely enjoyed the hour. When he and Draco later returned to the castle, the delighted feeling remained and he could just relish the slender man’s presence. He made him calm. He made the scary thoughts stay away. Well, at least until the night fell in and they were to go to sleep.

Silence filled the dark room. Everyone in the room had fallen asleep long ago and Harry was alone in his awaked state. Even though the only sound that should be heard in the dormitory was the other Slytherin’s breathings, Harry swore he could hear whisperings from the shadows by the cupboard between his trunk and the door. And now they grew louder as if the one speaking was walking closer, only there were no footsteps, and he couldn’t see anything - it was too dark. Desperately, he sought his wand that he had placed on the small bedside table with shaking hands. Though the tremblings were so vigorous he dropped it to the floor as soon as he got hold of it. The whispers were a lot louder now and he could distinguish the words. 

‘You killed him, Harry. You killed Sirius. You brought him to the Ministry so he could die. You killed her too: Tonks. Had you not been so hopelessly weak and slow with finding the horcruxes and defeating Voldemort, she wouldn’t have died by Remus side, so shortly after their happy marriage. You made Teddy an orphan.’

“No!” Harry choked out. “Draco says that wasn’t my fault.”

‘Oh, but it was, Harry. And you _know_ you don’t have the right to be saved. Especially not by Draco Lucius Malfoy. You don’t deserve anything but death, Harry. You know that. Draco’s words don’t change the fact that you should’ve died long ago. You shouldn’t be saved. Not again. You’re not worth that.’

Now there were new voices that joined in. The voices of James and Lily. His deceased friends. All he knew were dead. And they all repeated the same thing. ‘You’re not worth saving. You deserve to die.’ The chant got louder and louder and Harry threw his hands over his ears to block out the noice. But the words had eaten themselves into his mind. Only now it wasn’t the dead singing them. It was those who still lived by his side. George’s voice accusing him for murdering Fred. Hermione blaming him for forcing her to leave her parents. Ron saying he betrayed them all. Draco, with a scarily dark voice, telling him to go. Go away and never come back. Harry screamed. He screamed as loudly as he could, but he still couldn’t drown out the voices. They kept ranting and Harry kept screaming. Then he felt someone’s hands fold upon his, forcing them away from his ears. He opened his eyes - that he hadn’t realized he’d closed - and stared into a storm of worry. One hand moved to start stroking a reassuring path up and down Harry’s arm while the other swept away the tears. Gradually, the voices in his head died away. Now he could hear Draco, the _real_ Draco, speaking to him.

“It’s alright, Harry, nothing’s happening. You’re alright. I’m alright. Everyone’s fine.”

“I’m sorry.” Harry mumbled. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to… but the voices, your voice. They said… it’s my fault… everything’s my fault. They’re right. And I’m sorry…”

“No, Harry, nothing’s your fault.” Draco said sadly. “You heard Ron earlier. You’re one of the heroes. And nothing’s your fault.”

Draco’s hands cupped Harry’s face and he leaned their foreheads together, never stopping his ranting about all the good things Harry’d done. Repeating what Harry had told him the night before. The touch of Draco’s skin against his did something to him. Mostly, he felt relieved that Draco had chased away the whispers, but he also felt something else, something he didn’t know the name of. But despite Draco’s reassurance, it took another hour for Harry to calm down completely. By then, he was absolutely exhausted. He wanted to sleep, but he was afraid of what pictures his brain would show him once he closed his eyes.

“I’m scared, Draco.” he whispered, barely loud enough for the other boy to hear. “They will come back. They always do. And I’m scared.”

“I know. They come for me too, and tell me that the things I’ve done can never be forgiven.”

“But they can be! You had no other choice, or your parents and you would’ve been tortured to death! You’d be brutally killed!”

“That’s what I tell them. The voices. I tell them they’re wrong, But it’s hard, because they will always grow stronger then, I know. Sometimes it gets too much and I do what you did now. I scream. Some times it helps, some times it doesn’t. But we’ve chased them away, Harry, They won’t come back tonight.”

Draco wrapped his arms around Harry and tugged him down to the mattress. As soon as he knew for sure that Draco wouldn’t leave him, Harry let himself relax and he fell fast asleep.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot for reading this! 
> 
> I just want to add a little note here. About anxiety. This fic is mostly about how the characters in the story should be somewhat traumatized from the war. But the thing is, anxiety is anxiety. It's a complication for many people, not only those who've suffered through a war. I therefore ask you to try to help those who seem to need help. And if you feel like you're the victim, get help! If not from a psychologist, then talk to friends and family, or someone else you trust. NO ONE DESERVES TO FEEL THE HEAVY BURDEN THAT COMES WITH ANXIETY!


	10. Awakened

* * *

He had just fallen asleep when he was awakened by a panicked scream ringing through the room. Despite Draco’s drowsy state, he immediately recognized Harry’s voice, though, at first he wasn’t sure if it was real. He had had so many nightmares of Harry being tortured and thereby screaming, that he had lost count on them - there were more about Harry than about himself being killed. But there was something different this time: the cry held true fear, a feeling Draco had never heard in Harry’s voice before, not even when he woke up from the dead during the battle. And it was that particular sound in his voice that made Draco realize that this time it wasn’t a dream. As panic started to spread in his body, he cast a silencing charm to prevent the others from waking before moving closer to the dark boy. Even in the darkness could Draco distinct every emotion Harry showed. Over the years, Draco had learned about how many different kinds of fear there were, and how differently every sort was exposed. And how nearly all of these types were featured on Harry. He was pressing his hands onto his ears and his fingernails dug deep through his hair and into his skin over the ears. There were even tiny blood drops pressing out from behind his fingers and Draco shot into action as fast as an oiled lightning bolt. With strong arms he pulled away the other boy’s hands and tried to speak evenly with him. It was difficult as the fear of Harry being unhealthily hurt penetrated Draco’s body and mind and made it hard to control his voice. He had a rough time to not let it shake with each word. But about five minutes later, Harry’s shouts transformed into a hoarse pleading to someone to go away. At first Draco thought he meant him, but then Harry gripped hard to Draco’s hands and made it clear that the blond was wanted in that very place. 

“I’m sorry…” Harry sobbed a while later. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to… but the voices, your voice. They said… it’s my fault… everything’s my fault. They’re right. And I’m sorry…”

The relief Draco had felt for seeing Harry calming down was quickly changed into a feeling of hopelessness. Why couldn’t Harry see that he was a good man? _He was the defeater of the Dark Lord!_

“No, Harry, nothing’s your fault.” Draco said and studied the other boy closely. Even though he still was stiff from the dread, he managed to look stronger than most. To a bystander, Harry looked as strong as ever, and they wouldn’t have understood that Harry was broken if he wouldn’t _say_ so. But Draco knew, and now he could see how Harry hunched his shoulders slightly and that there was a shadow constantly haunting those incredible green eyes, but other than that Harry looked whole. There were lots of others people around them that appeared to be more damaged. And despite the deep cracks in Harry’s soul, Draco even now saw him as the strongest and the most admirable person he’d ever met. In spite of all the demons in Harry’s mind, he saw a man that deserved everything beautiful there was to find in this world. But yet, the dark skinned boy kept trembling and shaking and so did Draco as he leaned their foreheads together for stabilization. To his great surprise, this helped Harry to calm down immensely fast. Not very much later the panic attack had finally ceased to exist in Harry’s head, he started to shake. He was freezing. Draco pulled him down in the bed, draped the covers over them and snuggled close to the boy. He knew this would help because that was what he had wanted when he had his own attacks. Only he never got it, nor did he expect to get someone who wanted to help him calm down, and who would want to sleep beside _him_? Harry had said he was crazy, and maybe he was. At least that would explain why he seemed to get so peaceful whenever he was close to Draco. 

Sleep emerged shortly after that and the last thing Draco thought was how much crap Pansy and Blaise would give him for this. They knew he had had crush on the Golden Boy when he was younger. He was also fairly sure they knew that said crush had transformed into something more as he grew older. Furthermore, they knew he was _wrong_ to want Harry, and that he could get them both in trouble for this. And if they found him curled up with Harry tomorrow they’d get extremely livid. The morning before he had been lucky to have woken up before them - though maybe that hadn’t been lucky after all since Harry had been gone. 

 

The charmed clock in their room went off the next morning and woke Draco from his sleep. Immediately he looked up to see if Harry was still by his side, and found him laying closely huddled by Draco’s chest, continuously sleeping. He was beautiful. The stiff features from the night’s events were gone and left him looking all soft and peaceful. Swiftly, Draco let his fingers trace the lines forming Harry’s face but was soon interrupted by a loud scream. Pansy.

“What are you doing?!”

Harry stirred and dashed his eyes open. 

“You think you’ll get away with this?” Pansy shouted and it was clear that Harry thought her words were directed at him for the fear returned to his eyes in a flash and he stiffed. 

“Pansy, SHUT UP!” Draco roared back. “I haven’t done anything!”

“Oh, right, and what was you doing right now with him that close to you? You know, even though your beds are assembled together, you don’t need to sleep together! What do you think people will say when they get to know? They won’t see two innocent boys, but one murderer and one protector!”

Next to Draco, Harry whimpered and he immediately understood that this sounded entirely different to him than it did to Pansy and Draco. Harry thought that Pansy blamed him and praised Draco and that she now wanted Harry to leave Draco alone. He started to move away, bowing his head to hide his face. But Draco’s hand flew up and grabbed his shoulder to hold him back. It wasn’t very hard to do, really. As a result to Harry’s decomposing eating habits, he had no strength left and couldn’t break free from Draco’s firm grip. 

“Pansy.” Draco said, letting a cold ting be heard in his voice as he rose from the bed. “Can you please shut your mouth? You’re making everything worse. _Nothing_ happened here. Now go. Leave us.”

All color seemed to drain from her face when she saw the anger in his eyes and she rapidly left. As soon as they were alone again Draco turned to Harry.

“She was _not_ talking about you, Harry.”

“Who would she otherwise have been talking about? I _am_ a murderer and she was right about me sleeping like this will make things bad for you.”“No, Harry, she was talking about me. Wizards out there only see me as an ex-Death Eater and if… well, they would think I’d cursed you or something if they saw me trace… well, with you so close, like this. But I don’t care because I _want_ it to be like this.”

“But… then she sees me as a protector and that’s not true. You know that Draco! And you’re the one that prevented loads of bad things to happen during and after the war. And I’ve really not done anything.”

“Harry, listen to me. _You_ killed the Dark Lord. _You_ slew V… Vol… Voldemort… That’s why you’re a protector. And I cursed people using _Unforgivables_ , which makes me a horrible beast.”

“But you had no choice!” 

“Neither did you! He would’ve killed you and everyone else had you not done everything you did! _I_ would’ve been dead if you had not saved me from the fire! I would’ve been _dead_ had you not killed him, because I betrayed him! You saved me!”

“But I wasn’t alone…”

“I know. You’re not the only hero. But _you_ came back for me to save me. So you’re _my_ hero.”

Their shoutings stopped at once with that and Harry stared shocked at Draco. The stare was so intensive Draco couldn’t keep up his own. He dropped his gaze to the floor. He could feel tears threatening to come but for the first time since the trials he forced them away. He couldn’t be weak in front of Harry now. Minutes passed in silence and at last he gave up. He raised his head and looked up at Harry. 

“You… you… I’m…” Harry stammered when he saw Draco watching him.

“Yes, Harry.” Draco answered in a dry voice. “You’re my hero. And I know you don’t want people to see you like that but I can’t help it. Because you saved me. Personally, and over and over again.”

“But aren’t you mad with me at all? _I imprisoned your father_!”

“Yeah, but for one, he deserved it and two, you eased the punishment. He’s not getting kissed. So you saved me and my family. But…”

“You… I don’t get it!”

“Listen, it doesn’t matter if you’d gotten the worst punishment for my mother or my father, I’m still grateful for you saving me and I’m still in lo.. Crap!”

He had started rumbling again, and screwed up again. This was really the worst morning in his life. In fact, it actually competed as the worst _moment_ in his life as well: this was almost as bad as when the Dark Lord had clarified that Harry Potter was dead. Something inside Draco had broke then, and now he felt something else shatter inside him. It hurt. _Why_ did this happen? Why had he said - well, almost said - that?

“D-draco?” Harry whispered, but Draco didn’t answer.

“I… I’m sorry…” he added.

“Stop apologizing, will you? There’s nothing you need to say you’re sorry for!”

“But I _am_ sorry! I’m sorry for not understanding, for not realizing… that any of that mattered to you. I thought it was no big deal…”

“NO BIG DEAL?! YOU SAVED MY LIFE! SEVERAL TIMES!! HOW CAN THAT NOT BE A BIG DEAL? I THOUGHT YOU HATED ME BUT THEN YOU CAME AND SAVED ME!”

“Alright…” Harry rose and came closer to Draco, put his hands on his shoulder and pulled him into a tight embrace. “Alright, I should’ve known… I’m sorry… I truly am.”

Draco answered the hug by wrapping his arms steadily around Harry’s waist and pulled him even closer. He nodded into Harry’s neck and mumbled a croaky demand of them leaving for breakfast. A laugh escaped Harry’s lips before he consented and pushed away to go and change clothes and gather a robe. The extra warmth he had provided to Draco with his embrace lingered long after and made Draco feel quite ready for the day to come.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to take some space here to thank everyone for the awesome comments! They make my day every time I read them! So thanks a lot for that!


	11. Tangle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA! I managed to surprise myself and actually finished AND edited this chapter today as well! Though, if there is something that seems odd, please tell me so I can solve it, thanks.. 
> 
> Please enjoy!

Someone was screaming. A girl. Harry had to help her. But when he opened his eyes he stared into the bare skinned shoulder blades of Draco. And he heard that the high pitched voice belonged to Pansy Parkinson. She was screaming about how he and Draco couldn’t sleep that close together. About that it would destroy Draco’s life. It only took seconds for Harry to realize that she was right. And the way she was expressing it was so raw, evident. Her entire appearance was scary and he wanted to retreat. He _knew_ that she was right, she needn’t bother Draco about it though. He needed to get out of there! But as soon as he started to move, Draco’s arms stopped him, right before the blond shouted back at Pansy. Harry didn’t understand. Why was Draco so angry? And it wasn’t a big deal, really, that she told the truth, so why did he fight like this for Harry? Yet, the stern, almost cold voice he was using, made it clear that he wouldn’t back down. When Pansy shortly after had left, he turned to Harry and tried to explain that she had not been screaming at Harry, but at Draco. But that didn’t make any sense for that would mean that Pansy saw Draco as a murderer and Harry as a protector and none of that was true. Draco was a _saviour_ and Harry had committed crimes. Not one thing of what had been uttered this morning had been true if she had actually targeted Draco. Harry tried to explain this but then Draco exploded with withheld emotions. And most of what he shouted actually made sense if Harry gave a bit of a thought to it. He _had_ been the one to go back to the Slytherins in the Fiendfyre, not Ron or Hermione - they had only gone back because he did. And he _had_ testified to keep Draco and Mrs Malfoy out of Azkaban. And even though the reason for doing that had been that he felt like it was the right thing to do, and that Harry simply thought no one deserved to be kissed by a Dementor, it was still natural that Draco felt grateful for it. How could he have been so stupid to not realize that? How could he not have known that even though he himself thought of those actions as something that paid up for Draco saving his life earlier, Draco did not. Draco thought this as something much bigger - something that made Harry his rightful hero.

“I… I’m sorry…”

“Stop apologizing, will you? There’s nothing you need to say you’re sorry for.”

“But I _am_ sorry! I’m sorry for not understanding, for not realizing… that any of that mattered to you. I thought it was no big deal…”

Now, Draco’s shouts were so loud, harry was sure they could be heard from the end of the corridor outside their room. All of this evidently mattered as much as all the gold and silver in the world to Draco. That fact made something shift inside him: he was glad and a bit relieved that he mattered to someone in a way that was actually valid. He felt lighter in his heart because at least there was someone that was equal with him, who thought him to be the same hero as they were to him. He was happy with having Draco, who was hugging him back, ordering him to go eat breakfast, in his arms. They were friends. For real. In the Great Hall they had only just sat down when their [new](https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B-t5qUkI5fiUMnFJY1lENFdVOWs/view?usp=sharing) [schedules](https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B-t5qUkI5fiUcFNxTE9URXZCX2s/view?usp=sharing) appeared in front of them.

“Merlin, that’s a lot of free periods.” Ron said as he looked at them over Harry’s shoulder. “And lots of meetings with Pomfrey as well.”

“Yeah…” Harry mumbled. Today was Tuesday so he was supposed to have a meeting with her right after breakfast. For some reason he couldn’t define, he felt extremely nervous about this. And that uneasiness made it even harder to gather enough appetite to finish the bowl of enchanted milk Draco had placed before him.

“Well, at least we’ll have Transfiguration together later today.” Ron continued, mouth stuffed with bread, chicken and Godric knows what else. Prior to this, Harry had found it more amusing than disgusting when his best friend kept eating so much, but now it made him feel sick. 

“Ron… we need to go and… get our stuff…” Hermione said suddenly and scrambled to her feet. A bit confused, Ron followed her after swallowing whatever he had been chewing. When Harry looked around he noticed there were only a few more students left, and all but he, Draco and Madam Pomfrey were headed out of the Hall. 

“Harry, you need to eat.” Draco said, a small hint of worry in his voice. “There’s no one here to distract or disturb you anymore.”

“And let me make it clear, Mr Potter.” Madam Pomfrey continued. “Our session won’t persist until you’ve finished your meal.” Harry sighed and and turned his attention to the said ‘meal’ in front of him. It _was_ actually easier to eat when the noise that previously filled the room had disappeared. And this time the silence that followed wasn’t distressing as it usually had been before. This time he rather enjoyed the peace it created. 

“Ma’am…” Draco said a while later. “Would it be acceptable if I left to attend my Charms class? I will be back to meet Harry right after, of course, but I do need to…”

“Certainly.” the elder woman smiled. “Off you go.”

Draco’s absence had Harry feeling oddly alone despite the company of Madam Pomfrey. He tried to brush the sensation away but a small part of it remained and constantly tickled the end of his spine. It made him rather agitated throughout the entire meeting, in which Pomfrey only asked questions about everything Harry _didn’t_ want to talk about. Yet, he kept in mind that he wanted to change the sadness in Draco’s eyes into the happiness he’d seen the day before. That kept him ignoring the pain as he answered question after question. Though, he was not far from breaking apart completely from anger, sadness, guilt and shame when Draco entered the room they were occupying. As soon as his eyes locked with Draco’s the nagging feeling of being lost and left behind vanished and he felt like he was safe. He was protected.

“I take this for that it is time for you to leave, Potter.” Pomfrey said as she stood up from her chair. Harry nodded and headed quickly out of the room. 

“Hey Harry, wait a second, please.” he heard Draco call behind him. He stopped and let out a deep breath. “How did it go? You seem a bit… shaken…”

“Mm… I… I don’t… it… I don’t want to go back..”

Draco looked shocked to say the least as he took in Harry’s words. Still, he recovered not very long after. 

“I guess.. we could talk about that later. We have all day free after Transfiguration. Will you be alright with that? Having class, I mean.”

Harry shrugged before starting to slowly move towards the classroom they were to have the next lesson in. To his great relief, Draco just went quietly beside him, without asking questions or attempting any smalltalk. He needed time to think about all that had been said by himself first. Pomfrey had asked so many questions about his past from before the war, as well about his general thoughts about everything that had happened. He’d had to tell her about the Dursleys and how they brought him up during the ten years before he got to Hogwarts. That part hurt him a lot to talk about - again - because he felt so horrible for having thought badly about them and hated them when they clearly had been right. He felt bad for being so unfair to them and judging them for something they shouldn’t be judged for. But the thing was, Pomfrey hadn’t said anything scolding to him. He had heard her mutter quite a few curses under her breath but they had been directed towards his relatives, not him. She seemed to think that _they_ were the ones who had acted wrongfully. And she had always seemed to have good judgment. So she should theoretically be right about that. Yet, Harry found it hard to believe that thoroughly. 

When they arrived to the classroom, Draco mentioned for Harry to sit down next to Ron.

“I’ll be sitting with Blaise right behind you, if you want something just tell me, alright?” he said lowly before leaving Harry’s side. 

“Oi, mate!” Ron called. “We missed you last period. I know, you do need a break and so, but ah, it’s not the same without you.”

“Thanks, Ron.” Harry said and couldn’t help a small smile from appearing on his lips. Truth be told, he had missed his best friends as well, and he looked forward to try transforming a picture frame into a dragonfly with him. It was almost like good old times. 

As it turned out, all of them - Hermione, Ron, Harry and Draco - had a free period before lunch. It quickly got settled that they would head outside and find a quiet space where Harry could tell them what had happened. Harry himself didn’t really like the idea but he knew that he owned his friends the knowledge of what was happening so he didn’t refuse to go along. The four of them made their way out of the castle. They soon found that the Quidditch field was empty so they settled down on the bottom of the stands. Everybody’s eyes turned to Harry at the same time and he sighed heavily. He kept his sight on the ground the whole time because he knew he wouldn’t be able to tell them everything if he were to meet their gazes. He wasn’t strong enough for that. 

“So you’ve told her everything?” Hermione asked when he was finished.

“Yeah, but.. it was hard… and I didn’t like it. I don’t want to go back there tomorrow.”

“But Harry, you have to. She’s trying to _help_ you.”

“I… I don’t want her help. It.. I don’t _want_ to tell her everything because I want to forget it. It hurts too much to remember. I don’t want any of it. And it hurts too much to talk about. I just want to be left alone.”

Harry stormed off leaving his friends with open mouths. This was the first time he had openly expressed that he was hurt, and that it always kept hurting whenever he remembered what had happened. 

Halfway up to the castle, he heard someone coming running after him. When he came to halt and turned around he saw it was Ron.

“Mate, oi..! are you.. I mean… of course you’re not alright after all that, but you know… how are you feeling?” he said as he caught up with Harry. 

"I... I don't know... there are so many emotions..." Harry mumbled. “But mostly I feel awful. It feels like I'm letting everyone down.”

“How would you~?”

“I’m not believing in them.. or myself. And I’ve been so unfair and.. I don’t know.”

“Well, I do not feel like you’ve let me down away. For sure. And you know, I’m just happy that you’re here. What I mean is that even though you’re not in the same classes as me all the time, or that we’re not sharing dormitory anymore, I’m still glad that you’re here at Hogwarts. I would hate it if I was here knowing you were sitting all alone in Grimmauld Place, half starving and all that.”

“Thanks mate.”

“And I completely understand why you don’t want to go back to Pomfrey. It sounded like she was torturing you more than helping. But you have me and Draco and ‘Mione. You can always talk to us you know. And I also had a thought. Do you remember when you had those meetings with Dumbledore and you watched those memories from Riddle’s childhood?

“Well, I thought," he continued when Harry nodded, “maybe that’s what Pomfrey’s trying to do? Maybe she wants to learn what she should do from what has happened in your past. I don’t say that it’s right, cause it’s clearly harming you more than it’s helping.. but at least that would explain _why_ she’s doing it.”

Harry nodded again and thought about Ron’s words for a while. They did make sense, but Harry still felt a bit unsure and didn’t want to go back to the Hospital Wing for the next meeting. The pain was so.. intense.. and it drained him completely for what little energy he had.

A shriek coming from the Quidditch pitch below them interrupted his thoughts. He looked up to meet Ron’s confused and concerned face. They rapidly started back down the path they’d come a few minutes earlier. When arrived, they found Hermione and Draco screaming each other; Hermione’s voice was filled with anger and venom, while Draco’s was a mixture of sadness, regret and desperation.

“We _couldn’t_ do anything!” Hermione screamed. “He didn’t let us in! We tried so hard with everything we could but he always turned us away and locked himself away, all alone!”

“But why did you _let_ him do that?!” Draco growled.

“You think we would actually do that? Have you seen how powerful his magic is? It wasn’t very hard for him to simply lock us out even in his drained state. We couldn’t do _anything_!”

The despair in both their voices was clear and Harry soon understood that he was the one that had caused it. Guilt washed over him with such force he couldn’t bear it. His knees gave away and he fell to the ground. ‘What had he done?’ was the last thing he thought before everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want to see Harry's and Draco's new schedules, they are linked to the words 'new' and 'schedules' in the text. 
> 
> As you might hint from the end of this chapter, Draco and Hermione has gotten into a fight where they blame each other for Harry's suffering and mental state. This will become a bit clearer in the next chapter when the story is to be told from Draco's perspective. I hope you'll like it..
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	12. Twists

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I remember, I got comments on that it was weird that it seemed like Hermione and Ron hadn't helped Harry. Well, hopefully you get the answer here! Please let me know what you think!

* * *

Draco had left Harry in the Great Hall, trusting that he would be in good hands with Madam Pomfrey. But when he arrived at the Hospital Wing after his Charms class, Harry looked awfully agitated and tense. As soon as Pomfrey had dismissed him he ran out of the room so fast Draco almost had to jog to keep up - where did he get the energy and strength do to that from? Draco called after him to hopefully get him to stop, which he luckily did. Though, when Harry turned around, the shadows in his eyes were clearly shown and they were sweeping through them. It scared Draco immensely. During breakfast, Harry had merely seemed nervous, so why was he so scared and.. vulnerable all of a sudden? What had happened? It was clear that Harry didn’t _want_ to talk about it - or about anything, really - so Draco just accompanied him to their ensuing Transfiguration class. That gave him a few minutes to figure out how to deal with this new situation. Whatever had happened between Harry and Madan Pomfrey, it had shaken the boy thoroughly and even though he didn’t seem eager to talk about it, he _had_ to tell him or his other friends about it so they could help him. Draco really hated to see the dark boy like this: he wanted the green eyes to sparkle from happiness. And right now he didn’t think _he_ was the one who could attract that from him. Harry needed a friend he had had by his side for a longer time than Draco had been around. That’s the reason he decided to settle Harry down next to Ron rather than sitting with him himself. Pansy and Blaise for sure seemed happy about that. Draco had yet to tell them about what had happened the day before and what exactly they had walked into this morning, so it wasn’t exactly surprising they had a hard time accepting that Harry and Draco spent so much time together. As soon as Draco sat down next to Blaise, he received a bit of parchment from him. _‘You have some serious explaining to do, Draco Lucius Malfoy._ ’ it read and Draco simply nodded shortly before starting to write a brief explanation for his friends. He tried to choose his words carefully because he knew neither he, Harry or his friends would be benefitted if this resulted in a misunderstanding. 

‘ _Harry’s sort of sick and he needs help. McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey have asked me to help heal him up. I can’t tell you too much because this is a private matter that only regards a small group of people. You are not part of this group and I must therefore ask you to not take this any further. It would only create disastrous consequences for us. Just take my word for that this is nothing that I can’t handle. Thank you for your concern, but I’ll be alright_.’

Both his friends seemed happy with this, or at least satisfied enough to let it off their minds, as they all spent the rest of the lesson focusing on the picture frame on their desk.

After the lesson he, Ron and Hermione quickly decided that they needed to hear about Harry’s meeting with Madam Pomfrey. Evidently, Draco was not the only one who’d noticed how stiff Harry had been when he’d returned. Sure, he had relaxed a little by the end of the class, but the mere mention of the meeting made him tense again, he _had_ to tell them because this was not right. He was supposed to be helped, not be kicked while laying down. As they went out from the castle and saw that the Quidditch pitch was empty Draco felt relieved. That meant they could talk in a place where Harry felt at home. It would hopefully make it easier for him to inform them, since he would feel somewhat safe. Still, the reluctance Harry felt for telling this was heard in every word he spoke and Draco felt a hot anger rise inside his chest. Why hadn’t Pomfrey stopped asking all those questions when it obviously hurt Harry this much? And hadn’t they said that _Draco_ was the one to care for Harry’s mental health? So why had she came butting in like this? She had only made things worse! Hermione read the situation completely different though, for she seemed to think Pomfrey had done nothing wrong. This only fueled Draco’s anger even more. When Harry stormed off, he mentioned to Ron to follow him before he turned to Granger - he was perfectly fine with going back to call her that after this - to let her know how wrong he thought she was. 

“I can’t believe you.” he snarled. “How can you defend Pomfrey? You _saw_ how down he was after that meeting and you _saw_ that he was very badly shaken from having to talk about it again. _You did see that, right_?”

“Of course, why, I just wanted to point out that Madam Pomfrey is doing what she’s doing to help him.”

“Oh, yeah, like you’ve helped him, you mean? Let me tell you, you’ve been incredibly poor friends, even for Gryffindors, to let him get this low.”

“You don’t know what you're talking about, Malfoy.”

“I’m bloody certain I do, Granger. I’m talking about how Harry needs help and you’re just brushing it off as if there’s nothing you could do.”

“Aaargh, you don’t understand! You think we didn’t do anything to try help him? You think we let him fade away in that ghastly house of his because we wanted to? Or maybe you thought we didn’t _know_ about his suffering health? Well, all of that is utter rubbish!”

“Then why didn’t you help him?! Why is he so sick if you knew about it?! Why have you not _done_ anything?!”

“We _couldn’t_ do anything! He didn’t let us in! We tried so hard with everything we could but he always turned us away and locked himself away, all alone!”

“But why did you _let_ him do that?!”

“You think we would actually do that? Have you seen how powerful his magic is? It wasn’t very hard for him to simply lock us out, even in his drained state. We couldn’t do _anything_!”

Someone shouted ‘Harry’ to Draco’s right and he turned just in time to see Ron catching Harry as the darker wizard fell towards the ground. In an instant, Draco was by their side, tracing his hands over Harry’s shoulders and face. He mumbled the handsome wizard’s beautiful name faintly as he wished upon Salazar Slytherin’s house pride that he would awake.

Even though it probably only took a dozen of seconds or so before Harry woke up again, it felt as if eternities passed to Draco. But Harry _did_ wake up, and Draco heard a sob of relief escape his mouth. He didn’t have time to regret it though.

“I..” Harry started but Draco quickly stopped him.

“No! You are _not_ going to say ‘you’re sorry’.”

“But…”

“Just, no, Harry. _I_ am sorry.” he turned towards Hermione. “I’m sorry I shouted at you, too, Hermione… I was… just so… angry. With Pomfrey. For making Harry so miserable.”

“Oh.. uhm… it’s okey I guess…” she looked rather flustered, though Draco couldn’t tell if it was because of his weird apology or because of concern for Harry. Or something else. Either way, right now Harry was more important.

“Actually, I believe it’s _our_ turn to beg our apologies.”

“What? Why?” Harry asked. 

“Because we have failed you. And I know you don’t want to have those deep talks, but could we please go inside, grab our lunch and head to our dormitory to talk about this? How..”

“Yeah, it’s fine.” Harry interrupted and made to stand up. His knees started to buckle immediately so Ron and Draco quickly stood closer to him to offer stabilization. Together, they made their way from the Quidditch field and into the castle. Hermione went to get their food while Ron, Draco and Harry kept stumbling to the new eighth year Slytherin dormitory. Luckily, they didn’t meet anyone that stopped them and when they arrived, the room was emptied of people. Draco was very glad for not having to come up with some excuse for his roommates to why they had to leave the room when _Granger and Weasley_ were allowed to stay. Especially since it was the Slytherin’s room. 

They settled down in a circle on Harry’s and Draco’s beds. Ron raised his eyebrows when he first saw them attached but he didn’t comment on it and Draco was extremely pleased with that. If they started to talk about something else than what they were supposed to, they would probably waste this chance completely, and Salazar knew that he, Ron and Hermione urgently needed to tell Harry about their thoughts of the situation and how they were feeling. Harry needed to hear that they cared for him as their friend - not only as the ‘Saviour of the Wizarding World’. Draco opened his mouth to speak, but Ron was faster and he started to put out his thoughts. To Draco’s amazement, the ginger man had completely understood Draco’s intentions with this talk despite the vague instructions he had been given. He tried to explain the relief he had felt when Harry had agreed to come along to Hogwarts because he had been afraid that the day of departure otherwise would have been the last day he saw Harry alive. Because Harry had looked so miserable, thin and sick at the end of summer and there had been nothing that he could do to help. Each time he had visited, he had found either Harry staring into a wall with empty eyes or heavy wards keeping him and the others from entering the property. Hermione cut in with how worried she had gotten every time she arrived with food baskets only to find the previous ones she’d left untouched. She had then tried to look through the windows to check that everything was alright, but the rooms were always so dark she couldn’t see a thing in there. They both mentioned the fear that had struck them every time they noticed that Harry had closed yet another connection to his Floo network. By then, they couldn’t reach him in any way, no matter how hard they tried to break his magic wards or how many owls they sent him. Now Draco felt shame crashing upon him, he had not been fair to Hermione. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t really provoked the attack, he had no right to go so hard on her. If he had actually thought for a moment before starting to yell, he should’ve known something like this was closer to the truth than what he had been shouting.

When the two Gryffindors fell silent, Draco suddenly felt very unsure of what he was to say. He hadn’t been a friend of Harry’s very long - two and a half day to be exact, unless you counted from the trials when both of them had agreed to put their difficulties behind them - so he didn't have as much to verbalize as Ron and Hermione had had. Well, at least not if he didn’t decide to tell them about the crush that had developed to something else over the years, and he was _absolutely not_ going to do that. Then, what was he going to tell Harry? What could he possibly tell that would make his actions and care for Harry seem valid? Somehow, Ron seemed to read his mind again, because he offered the perfect way for Draco to solve this. 

“Draco, why don’t you tell us about what happened to you? Tell your story from… I don’t know… whenever things started to get worse for you or something.”

Draco looked at the red haired boy, smiled and nodded. It made perfect sense to tell them his story as they had told theirs the day before. So he opened his mouth to start, but nothing came out. He closed it again and cast a quick glance at the others before letting his gaze fall upon the blanket he was sitting on. He had no idea how to start. And it felt as if something was blocking his words from passing through his vocal chords. Someone put a hand on his shoulder and looked up only to feel how he drowned in a pair of green eyes.

“It’s okey, Draco.” Harry said lowly. “I know it’s hard to talk about one’s past. Just take your time. I know you can do this. I know you’re strong enough.”

His words seemed to scare away the obstacle in Draco's throat and he felt courage well up through his chest. He _could_ do this, he should just start from where everything started to change in second grade and then see where he ended up.

He explained how the signs of the Dark Lord’s soul still being alive in their world had terrified his parents. They tried to interfere with the Ministry as well as at Hogwarts because they wanted to protect Draco and keep him safe. When they finally understood that they were only making the situation worse as they only managed to give him more enemies they switched tactics completely. They tried to distance themselves from Draco. This didn’t help very much either, for Draco started to feel unsure of himself and he felt rather alone. That made him and easy target for other Death Eaters to convince him to stay on the Dark Side before he even had known he could’ve made a choice. He spoke and spoke about how it had been to live on the wrong side, about how he had quite quickly realized he didn’t want to be in the seat he had been sat, but it was too late to retreat or his parents and himself would’ve been even more tortured than they already were. He spoke about how hopeless things had been and how he wholeheartedly had hoped for Harry to win. He explained how that hope had only grown even more when they had returned to save him from the fire. He told them how bitter he had felt when Harry returned from the forest in Hagrid’s arms and how that bitterness had turned to some happy feeling he couldn’t explain when he had plunged away again, awoken from the dead. He explained the genuine happiness and relief he had felt when Harry had at last beaten the Dark Lord. He had for the first time ever felt completely free, he was to live on his own records from there on. Most of what he was saying probably didn't even make any sense. Draco himself thought he was rambling more than telling an actual story. Yet, he kept talking. When he was done, Ron and Hermione stared wide eyed - shocked - at him while Harry seemed to be thoroughly examining Draco with his intense, now almost fierce, gaze. After a while of silence, his words seemed to sink in enough to make them realize where and who they were - apparently Draco had told a good enough story anyway - and Ron shook his head. The motion cleared Hermione’s mind as well as she shot up from the bed with a squeal half a second later.

“We’re late, Ron! We’ve missed History of Magic and our Astronomy class started almost an hour ago! Come one! We must hurry!”

Panicked, the two of them ran out of the room, leaving Harry and Draco alone in silence. For several minutes they both just stared at the door. There were so many thoughts they needed to sort out before they could verbalize them to each other. It was Draco though, who broke the quiet first. 

“Uh… Harry? Are you alright? I know this might was a bit too much for you after the rough morning you had, but… how do you feel?”

“You… you actually… your parents… I… you… you really… they did… you…”

“It would actually be to advantage if you could finish at least one sentence so I know what you are thinking.” Draco cut in size he was starting to get incredibly anxious. Harry’s voice sounded - even though he couldn’t utter more than one word at a time - rather angry and that anger scared Draco.

“You. Cursed. People. For. The. Sake. Of. Your. Parents!”

Now, the anger was clear to hear and it made it creep in Draco’s skin. He felt his entire body go cold in an instant. This was it. He had ruined everything he had built up between him and the dark boy. He had made it possible for Harry to hate him. And he did. Harry hated him.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll just clarify a little detail for you. Madam Pomfrey did NOT mean to hurt Harry in any way. She just wanted to check out exactly what had happened to Harry so she could prepare the right medication for him. 
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter, and you are all welcome to give your thoughts of it and/or the overall work in the comments. If you want to tell me something but don't want it to be shown in the comments, you can always write to me through my tumblr: [assassinsdragons](https://assassinsdragons.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	13. Equal Terms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is going so slowly... School, swimming, music takes up too much time rn. But, here is another chapter, and I will try to be a bit faster with the next one - though that is not a promise...

* * *

When his consciousness returned, the first thing Harry recognized was the voice saying his name. Then he felt a pair of strong arms holding him up and somehow he instantly knew it was Ron. There was something special in his way of supporting that caused Harry to know it was him. As his eyes began to focus again he noticed that he was half laying on the ground and Ron, Draco and Hermione were the ones surrounding him. In a flash, the memories of what had happened rushed to his mind, and along with them came the anxiety and shame. He had ruined his friends’ lives. He had caused them even more pain than there already had been before. How stupid hadn’t he been to think that distancing himself from them without explanation would help? After all, that’s what Dumbledore had done, and Harry could still remember the betrayal and abandon he had felt back then. And now he had done the exact same thing, without even telling the others _why_ it was bad for them to stay close to him. He had been an utterly bad friend and Merlin knew these three deserved much better. He opened his mouth them tell them this but Draco beat him to it.

“No! You are _not_ going to say you’re sorry.”

“But—” Harry started. He wanted to explain everything - that he had just tried to not push his burden onto them. But clearly Draco wouldn’t let him.

“Just no, Harry. _I_ am sorry.” he said. 

Then he turned to Hermione and apologized to her too. The genuinely of each word he said seemed to kick into Hermione’s mind for her angry eyes turned into… affectionate ones…like she cared for Draco. That was good, Harry thought, as that would mean that someone would care for him when Harry’d get lost. When he’d slip up and give up on everything.

“I think it’s _our_ turn to beg our apologies.” Draco said and that put Harry completely off guard. What the hell would _they_ need to say sorry for to _him_? They hadn’t done anything.

Apparently that was exactly what Draco was getting at. They hadn’t done anything - or at least not enough - when they needed to. And because of this, he wanted to have another deep talk. Of course Harry obliged, partly because he wanted to understand exactly what his friends meant and partly because he thought he owed them that. 

It didn’t turn out like Harry had thought, though. He had thought that as soon as he understood why his friends were so disturbed and agitated, he’d be able to explain why that was nowhere near the horrible things he had done. But when Ron talked and got backed up by Hermione, Harry found himself speechless. Each word they uttered about the physical facts was true, so he could comprehend that their explanations of their feelings were true as well. Then Ron gently pushed Draco to tell his war story and despite the pain displayed on his face, his eyes were determined and he pushed himself to tell them his dark tale. Though Ron’s and Hermione’s words had moved him greatly, it was nothing compared to what Draco told them. Every cursed word coming from those lips was filled to the brim with emotions. Yet, nothing overwhelmed the blond and he kept his eyes locked firmly to Harry’s. He had been forced to do things far worse than Harry had imagined. And what struck him the hardest was that the only reason Draco seemed to get strength to go through it all was because he loved his parents and didn’t want them to die. To save himself and his parents, he had had to use Dark Magic against others, to punish them, to torture them against his will. All of this made Harry hate Voldemort even more. The anger grew even stronger when he also realized that Draco still was so obviously mentally unstable since all that had happened. _For Merlin’s sake, Draco Malfoy didn’t DESERVE this!_

Harry hadn’t even noticed that Hermione and Ron had ran out of the room, but when Draco left with a panicked glint dominating his eyes, he found that he was now all alone. 

“I HATE HIM!” he raged and jumped off the bed. Blindly, he stumbled through the room until he collided with a wall.

“MERLIN, I HATE HIM! HOW COULD HE DO THIS? THEY DIDN’T DESERVE ANY OF THAT! AAARGH!” he shouted and kicked the wall. Something cracked, but the wall seemed untouched. Where there should’ve been pain in his foot, he felt nothing. There was something contracting in his chest that hurt too much to leave enough space for any other pain. But before he had the time to analyze what this weird feeling was, someone banged on the door. 

“Mate, open up!” Ron’s voice came from the other side. For a few moments Harry wondered whether it would be a good idea to do so or not. After all, he was quite bad at controlling his magic when feeling heavy emotions and Ron might get hurt. Also, he couldn’t show this horrible side of himself to his best mate. He had only a few people that he needs to stay exceptionally strong in front of and Ron was one of them. But then again, Ron’s voice was steady and Harry knew the man well enough to know that he wouldn’t leave until Harry opened up. So, he opened the door to face one very angry looking Ron Weasley fuming on the other side.

“Godric’s balls, Harry, what’s gotten into you? Last time you and I were talking by ourselves, it seemed you and Draco had become best pals, and now you’re shouting meaningless shit about how much you hate him?!”

“What?” Harry asked. “I’ve not been shouting at Draco.!”

“It certainly seemed like it only a minute ago. I was heading to my room to get a few books I’d forgotten when I met him rushing up the stairs. He looked like crap, so I stopped him to ask what’s wrong. And he said you hated him. First, I thought that must be some crappy bullshit, but then I heard you start shouting and I’m sure Draco did too cause he completely cracked and sank to the ground, hiding his face in his hands and such.”

“But I wasn’t shouting about hating Draco! How could I? I was and I still am furious with Voldemort since he destroyed so much - especially for Draco!”

“Well, Draco doesn’t know that.. you need to tell him mate. He seemed pretty miserable and I can’t blame him. It really sounded like you were shouting about him. And I too, would’ve been scared to death if _you_ were roaring from the top of your lungs about how much you hated me..”

“What’ve I done?” Harry piped and hid his face in his palms.

“Something I believe you’re regretting…” Ron murmured and half hugged the dark-haired boy. “You need to fix this, alright?”

Harry nodded and pulled away from his friend. Standing still a moment, he tried to calm himself down before he made his way out through the door. 

As Ron had said, Harry found Draco on the floor of the corridor right outside his room. He was laying in fetal position, sobbing quietly. Afraid of scaring him, Harry stayed a few feet from the boy. 

“Draco..?” he whispered the name so quietly it was barely audible. “Please, listen to me… I’m sorry, alright? I wasn’t… it wasn’t… you… I was screaming at… Voldemort… not you… I swear. Please, Draco, I’m not… I couldn’t ever… I can’t be mad with you. I’m sorry I made it seem like I was but I wasn’t… I’m bloody pissed at Voldemort for doing so horrible things to… everyone and… especially you… I’m sorry…”

Since Harry had kept his gaze on the floor throughout his speech he didn’t notice how Draco sat up and stared at him. 

“Don’t you _dare_ utter another apology, Harry.” he snarled. It was clear he tried to sound stern, but his voice broke at the end. “You really haven’t gotten anything to apologize _for_. You actually had the right to throw that fit about me too, you know… what I don’t get is why it wasn’t… directed to me, I mean..”

“Merlin, Draco!” Harry almsot shouted as he threw himself at the blond and pulled him into a tight embrace. “Of course it wasn’t directed at you! You’re… here, trying to help me even though I don’t deserve it and you… you’ve done so much greatness to pay back for what _all_ the dark wizards and witches did. Of course it wasn’t directed at you, cause you… you’ve become a saint… an angel—”

“Shut it!” Draco interrupted. “You know that’s not true.”

“It it!”

“No! First, you _do_ deserve being saved. After saving the world, the world owes you saving as well. Second, I am certainly _not_ a saint. And angel wouldn’t do the terrible things I’ve done.

“But—”

“No, Harry, and none of that should matter anyway. It’s you who we should take care of..”

“But you matter too…” Harry mumbled into Draco’s chest so low he thought Draco couldn’t hear it, because the blond didn’t answer. He just (finally) answered the hug and buried his face in Harry’s hair.

“Maybe we should just settle that neither one of us blame the other for what happened in the war, alright?” Draco whispered after a while spent in silence. Harry simply nodded. He never wanted to not feel Draco’s presence again. He merely wanted to stay here, in the strong arms of Draco Malfoy. If Harry was to be honest, he’d actually admit that for Draco, it was clearly worth keep living. So, he would keep fighting for this wonderful man.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, feedback is welcome. Link to my tumblr is in my bio, and I'd gladly receive messages there.


	14. Trouble Falls

* * *

Draco was close to just give up on everything. He had come back to the castle because he thought it as the only place he had been given the one opportunity to make a choice. And it was the only place where he’d gotten a second chance. It was a place where he felt safe. Safer than home anyway. And when Harry had unintentionally given Draco a way to show that he had actually taken that second chance, his entire world view changed. Now there was hope again. At last it had been. Until that light had been blown out. Harry hated him. Harry hated him and all his reasons to keep fighting - to keep living - were gone. Everything was lost. 

A well-known voice whispered his name before could gather the courage to kill himself. (Of course he was afraid to die. He had been all his life. The only fear greater than this, was the one of failure. He had already failed, and if he could get through that, why not death? Death was only something completely unknown and on the other side… if there were another side… waited the Dark Lord…) The voice kept spilling apologies and explanations of what the beautiful dark haired boy had meant. He was not mad with Draco. He did not think Draco was to blame or to hate. The light had not been blown out after all - it was just a breeze flowing through, almost bringing the flame to it’s extinction, but then leaving, having left a new boost of oxygen to help the blaze grow even stronger. When the meaning of it all sunk in, an anger took the place in Draco’s heart that had previously been occupied by hopelessness. Not the sort of anger where you’r really mad at someone for breaking a rule, or doing something prohibited, but the sort that came along with extreme worry. Because Harry still found it easy to blame everything on himself. Too easy to be healthy. So Draco needed to remind the boy of the contrary that was the truth. Regularly. 

“Don’t you _dare_ utter another apology, Harry. You really haven’t gotten anything to apologize for. You actually had the right to throw that fit about me too, you know… what I don’t get is why it wasn’t… directed at me I mean…”

“Of course it wasn’t directed at you, cause you… you’ve become a saint…” _NO..!_ “an angel—”

“Shut it!” It was too much. Draco was no saint. Everyone knew that. Even Harry should see how Draco pretty much was the opposite of an angel. And what was that that Harry’d said before that? He still didn’t think he deserved to be saved?How thick could he be? How could he not realize he was the most important person in the world? That he mattered the most to everyone, and particularly to Draco?

“But you matter too…” the words vibrated through Draco’s chest, straight into his heart. Merlin, how did this happen? How did he, Draco Malfoy, manage to get to cry, with the Saviour of the Wizarding World hugging him tightly? How twisted wasn’t the universe if this was to be true: Harry James Potter cared about him! Truly cared about him. And maybe the other man needed to care about others in order to care about himself? Maybe their converging relationship was what kept Harry going , just like this was for Draco? If that was the case, Draco really needed to stay strong and solid for Harry to hold on to. He needed to stay with him and they should move on together. Let the past stay in the past. Like he had formatted his promise from the start: he had to help Harry let it all go. 

It took quite some time before either one of them moved from their positions. Neither of them wanted to. 

“Draco?” Harry asked lowly.

“Mhmm.?” Draco mumbled back drowsily.

“Can we _please_ send a note or something to Pomfrey? I really don’t want to go. At least not tomorrow…”

“Hm… I… I do understand, Harry… but maybe we should… ask the Headmistress first..? I mean, this was all her plan and I don’t know if she’d like it if you skipped it…”

“Right.” Pause. “But could you write… like… that you _advise_ her to let me off this once… Just so it seems… reliable.”

“Harry, your word alone is reliable enough. But I could go talk to her in person and tell her about how your session, and how you… reacted.”

“Thank you.” Another pause. “ _Thank you_ ” he repeated, quieter. 

“Is nothing, Harry,” Draco smiled, “let’s get out of here before classes end, shall we?”

They stood up on unsteady feet and made their way into their dormitory. Only had they crashed onto their beds when Harry instantly fell asleep. Draco just watched the man, happy to see his smoothed face, untouched by death, fear and sadness, when Blaise burst through the door. 

“Draco! Are you alright?! Weasley said something about a fight..!” The dark boy made his way to the blond, worry plastered on his face. 

“Sch, be quiet, Harry’s sleeping. And it’s fine, Blaise…”

“C’mon, Drake, can’t you please tell me something more of what’s going on?”

“Well, what Ron was telling you was true. Harry and I did have a fight. Verbally. Because of a misunderstanding between us two alone. And it’s all sorted out now. And…”

“And..?” Blaise urged when Draco fell quiet. 

“I don’t know… you know I can’t tell you everything.”

“ _Anything_ is more like it actually,” Blaise muttered and it was clear that it bothered him a lot to be unable to help Draco. How in the name of Salazar Slytherin had Draco gotten a friend like him? He certainly didn’t deserve it.

“I’m sorry, Blaise, I really wish I could tell you more, but I can’t…”

Silence. Blaise just looked tiredly at him. Just kept staring. Then, all of a sudden, he threw himself around Draco and held him tightly.

“Just promise to keep yourself safe, okey? I honestly don’t have a clue what I would do if you’d be gone… the war was enough…”

“… I… I… I promise…” It was the first time his Slytherin friend had mentioned anything at all about the war. It struck Draco off guard and filled him with a warmth of pleasant feelings. “ _Thank you_.” he added so quietly he knew Blaise would recognize the thanks for what it was: Personal. Genuine. Said only to him.

“So, what happens now?” The very moment Blaise’s words were out of his mouth, the idea struck Draco and he shone up in a smile. 

“We’re going o get you to know a few new friends.”

At first, Blaise look merely confused, but only for a second. Then his eyes widened and he slowly shook his head, muttering ‘no’ over and over again. “Yes, my prince, you’re going to befriend a couple of Gryffindors. Or at least make acquaintance with them.”

With that, he cast a glance at Harry, who was still asleep on his bed looking very much at ease, and the grabbed Blaises hand and dragged him out of the room. He needed to fins Ron, Wherever Ron was, Draco knew he’d find at least on other student from the red and gold house.

 

“Hey, Ron!” Draco shouted as soon as he caught sight of the redheaded man in the shared Common Room. Just as he had expected, there were several Gryffindors spending their time in Ron’s company. What he hadn’t expected though, was the curse sent his way right after the two words had rung over his lips. Pain shot through his spine and his legs gave away instantly. He fell towards the ground, unable to move his arms to catch himself. Incapable of doing anything else, he shit his eyes and waited for the collision. Instead he heard someone shout _wingardium leviosa_ and suddenly he was floating in the air. Despite the relief this caused him to feel, he still couldn't do anything but groan because the pain in his back kept increasing. Distantly, he felt himself being levitated to the ground and soon thereafter how the levitation charm got off him, but all he could do was arch and try to creep away from the pain. It was now multiplying through his entire body. For a few minutes he clenched his teeth together to keep as quiet as possible, but when the ache travelled up his neck, he was no longer in control of himself. He opened his mouth and screamed. _It hurt so much!_ He couldn’t see anything because there was no way he could open his eyes again. He couldn’t hear anything but his own screams, but it didn’t sound like him. His voice had been completely transformed from the pain. Yet, it was all he could hear. Until he lost his voice. Everything went quiet. Deafening quiet. It pressured him horribly but there was no way for him to get rid of it. After what felt like hours of pain and screeching silence, the burn finally started to ease. As soon as he could, he opened his eyes. Grey ones bet green ones.

“H-Harry…” he mumbled before he fell unconscious.

 

When he woke up again he was, quite unsurprisingly, in the Hospital Wing. There was still a tinge of pain travelling up and down his spinal cord, but other than that, he felt fine. He knew better though, than to try do something harsh and reckless, so he was extremely careful as he heaved himself to sitting position. As he had half predicted, the movement instantly increased the pain. Luckily, not to unbearable levels however. 

“Oh, how lovely, you’re up.” a voice to his left drawled sarcastically. “We’re _so_ happy to see that you did not duke under from that hex… not!”

Now, at last, Draco managed to recognize the voice. The Weasley girl. Slowly, as if his head was made if rubber, thoughts formed in his mind and he put pieces together. The girl must’ve been the one to curse him. And now she was here to gloat. He wished he could call out for someone to get her out of there, but he knew he had no right to. Whatever she might blame him for, she probably was right to do so. He should just keep quiet and let her leash out on him. Which she didn't spare any time waiting to do. Hex after hex was fired at him- Each one caused more pain to spread through his back along with whatever part of his body that was the target of the hex. 

“GINEVRA WEASLEY!” someone roared. “LAY THAT OFF THIS INSTANT! AND I THOUGHT YOU AND THE HEADMISTRESS HAD COME TO AGREE THAT YOU WOULD LEAVE YOUNG MR MALFOY ALONE!?”

“Yes, madam Pomfrey, but—“

“NO! There is no excuse for disobeying the headmistress’ orders.”

“But it’s his fault! It’s _his_ damn fault that he’s dead! ITS BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE HIM THAT MU BROTHER IS DEAD! YOU HEAR THAT?! FRED IS DEAD! AND WHEN HE DIED, GEORGE DIED TOO! And it's his fault…”

The last part almost didn't pass the girl’s lips, as her voice cracked and she sunk to the floor, sobbing heavily.

“So, so, my girl. Easy now. It’s gonna be alright. So, calm down.” Madam Pomfrey kept telling her words of comfort, occasionally patting her on her shoulders until the sobs ceased to exist, all at the sam time as she tended to Draco’s new wounds. When she'd made sure Draco would be alright for the moment, she turned her whole attention to Weasley and walked her out of the room. Though most of her words were too quiet for Draco to hear, he did catch a few phrases about how he was _not_ the Death Eater who had killed Fred. She was actually defending Draco. This moved Draco, and he wondered how she could seem so much dearer to him than to Harry. Then it struck him. She probably thought Harry to be the strong-minded wizard he had been one and a half year ago, and Draco was obviously in a ‘much poorer state’ which required extra care. How wrong she could be though. Harry was broken and he didn’t have that strength anymore. He couldn’t argue with her point of Draco being unable to defend himself, but really, what was there to defend? Even though he wasn’t the one to kill the Weasley twin, he had helped causing it. Draco was by far not innocent. Yet, despite himself, he felt relieved to hear more and more people coming to defend him. Guess he was still a bit egocentric after all. The thought made him cringe. He didn’t want to be the person he once was. But still, old habits die hard. Especially if that habit had been drilled into him since his very first birthday. But he could do it. He _must_ do it. He must change.

“Draco?!” a voice shouted and the sound sent a wave of happiness through Draco.

“Harry…” he croaked.

“Oh, thank Godric, you’re back!” the dark boy said as he came towards Draco’s be, followed by one happy looking Ron, Though, when he laid eyes on Draco, he stopped in his tracks so abruptly Ron went into him. “What… what happened? You… you looked so much better yesterday…”

“It was— wait. Yesterday? How long have I been out?”

“Four days.” answered Ron. “By Merlin, swear to me you’ll never be gone for that long again. You almost had Harry crack again.”

“Sorry,” Harry mumbled.

“No, Harry, don’t be.” Draco smiled. “I am.”

“Wh- no… what- whatever. What has happened though? Why’re you looking so… beaten up?”

“Your sister,” Draco nodded towards Ron, “came in here and beat me up with a few more hexes…”

“WHAT?!” Ron roared. “WHY? I though - we told her - it was supposed to be over with!”

“Well, don’t blame her too much.” Draco said softly. “She… broke down when Pomfrey came and she told us why… she blames he for the twin’s death, sort of. But I honestly think it’ll be alright from now on. She’s let off her steam.”

“You act as if nothing of it matters..” Ron muttered. 

“Of course it matters. I just don’t think it’s a negative matter. Your sister will be better after this and it’s not as if she hadn’t got the right to—“ Draco quieted mid sentence. He’d once again said too much.

“Merlin, Draco, don’t tell me you bloody think her actions were rightful.” Ron laughed bitterly. “‘Cause they weren’t Not even fucking close. You’ve been punished enough already. And she even blamed you for something you didn’t do. How can that then be okey? Let me tell you. It isn’t. At all.”

“But—“

“He’s right, Draco.” Harry put in, and that shut Draco right up. His voice is clearer that it has been for years. It sounded almost exactly as the eleven year old boy Draco had met when he was trying out his very first school robes. He sounds like the boy he had since that day had on his mind constantly. The sound alone made his heart skip beats, but then he saw the sincerity in those green eyes and everything just crashed around him. He really was falling helplessly in love with that raven haired man.

“Right, so now when that’s sorted, we can start filling you in what happened.” Ron smiled and sat down on the chair next to Draco’s bed. Harry walked around the bed to sit on the other side but - threes bit chair there.

“It’s alright, Harry,” Draco hastily said when he saw the uncertainty come into his face. “You can come sit here on the bed with me. I won’t mind.” he added and motioned with his hands for Harry to come. When they’re all settled Ron instantly opened his mouth.

“Okey, here’s what’s happened. Before you and Zabini came into the Common Room, we were all chatting in there, though Gin mostly just sat there and was… mad or… yeah, mad. Probably because none of us cared about the - well, we were doing about some stuff and that involved you Slytherins. And as soon as you shouted for me, she snapped and hexed you. It went so fast, I’m really glad I managed to cast that levitation charm. Not very… fancy, but it was the first that came to my mind… but she kept pointing her wand over you, clearly increasing your pain level. Everyone, I swear every bloody one in the room helped to get her away, but the curse was already doing it’s work on you. And the thing is, Gin’s really good with hexes, so, she clearly knew how to modify it to keep getting worse without her doing it actively. And none of us knew how to take it off. We tried, I swear, but not even ‘Mione knew how to fix it and Gin refused to help so… and it was so awful —”

“To hear you scream… to hear you in so much pain…” Harry mumbled. “It woke me up, and I rushed to you… you looked so… broken and… I didn’t know what to do…” Tears were now falling down his cheeks. It was clear that the memory pained him. “So I just went to you, and it… stopped. I din’t know how, but it worked and then you went unconscious…”

“As it turned out,” Ron cut in, “Harry’s magic did some work by itself. Kinda like when it snapped all that glass the other day. Then we got you here so Pomfrey could fix you up. When we knew you’d be fine, ‘Mione and I left Harry here with you.” From the look in Ron’s eyes, Draco could tell that they hadn’t wanted to leave Harry there alone but they hadn’t had any choice. When did Draco become so good at reading Ron anyway? “We returned to the Common Room where McGonagall was telling everyone off for not living up to her expectations. It was quite something to hear her speak so strongly and… the sounded so truly betrayed…”

“Wait, she told _everyone_ off? Not just your sister?” Draco asked.

“Nah, she had her eyes set on Gin all the time, and they had a private chat after that, but during her speech, she spoke words that were meant for everyone. Anyway, she told everyone about… you helping Harry… and you being more noble than anyone else.” At that, Draco scowled. How incompetent of them to think of him as some kind of hero. Yet, he kept quiet as he met Ron’s pointed glare. “Then she said that she’d come up with some sort of weekly activity for us Eighth Years to help us bond between houses.”

“Sounds like something Dumbledore would do.” Harry muttered.

“Yeah, it does,” Ron smiled, “Maybe it was an idea coming from his portrait.? But however, the two of you might be excused from attending these activities if they are… too much…”

“I... believe it might be…” Draco answered after some thought. “At least right now.”

“I supposed so… But I thought you should know anyway.”

“Thanks, Ron. Now, I must know, what happened to Zabini?”

“Well, we took care of him. He was quite furious with Gin for hurting you so badly. But it was clear he was also very scared… I don’t mean scared as being cowardly, but scared of doing something wrong and afraid of losing you. It’s easy to see he’s a good friend for you, Draco. So at any rate, some of us Gryffindors calmed him down. I believe it was Seamus who at last got to him. Strange isn’t it? How different one week can be to another? Last week, he was mad at you for just being here and now he actually tries to help you. It is quite amazing, I must say.”

“It is,” Draco smiled. So Blaise did get to know a few Gryffindors after all. It sure was as Ton said; quite amazing. “Now that all that has been settled.. when do I get out of here?”

“Probably in three days, Mr Malfoy.” answered Pomfrey’s voice down the room. “Though, I believe you’re mentally stable enough not to fall unconscious again so you can carry on with some of your scheduled activities from here.”

“What?”

“I mean, you and Mr Potter have missed a few sessions during the last days, so I advise you to proceed to have them as soon as possible, so why not here?”

“Now?”

“Yes, as soon s I am done with a couple of more charms for your new injuries, and Mr Weasley has found his way out, I believe you can start.”

“Right, so I take that as my cue to leave,” Ron excused himself. “Bye.”

He left the room and shortly after, Pomfrey followed suit. He was alone with Harry again. But the other man didn’t meet his eye. Just kept staring at the floor, folding and unfolding his hands. 

“What’s wrong, Harry?”

“Nothing.”

“Shut it, I see that you’re worked up. Let it go. What is it?”

He went completely still. Slowly, very slowly, he turned his face towards Draco, and _those eyes_. They were filled with so much emotion it was a miracle Harry hadn’t already cracked. Without warning, he threw himself at Draco and hugged him tightly. 

“Don’t ever leave me alone like that again…” he mumbled at Draco’s throat. “Ron was right. I don’t think I would be able to handle it.”

Draco let out a breath he hadn’t noticed he’d been holding. “I’m sorry, Harry,” he answered, only to realize his voice was cracked and his eyes were burning from unshed tears. He let them fall. “I’m sorry, Harry.”

“Please, promise me to never disappear again.” Harry sobbed. “ _Please_ …”

“I promise,” Draco cried back. The desperation in Harry’s voice was so genuine and it scared Draco. He wanted it all gone. Forever. “I promise.” he repeated. “I promise to never leave you.” He wasn’t going to give up on Harry.

* * *

 


	15. Leaving Lonely Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's experience during knocked out Draco. Ending with a new friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it has taken so long for me to post this. I feel even more horrible about it because I've had the chapter for over a month, but I haven't had the energy to write it into my computer... hopefully the word count will be enough to pay you guys back..? and maybe also the content...

* * *

Harry awoke abruptly the very moment the sound reached his ears. Draco was screaming. In pain. Somewhere in castle, Draco was hurt. The scream sounded so much like when he had saved Draco from the Fiendfyre. He had to save him! Blindly, Harry ran through the corridor to get to the source of the sound. He was quite sure he fell several times, though no pain was felt. All he could think of was how it took too long for him to get to the other man. At last, however, he shot through the door of the Common Room and his eyes immediately fell upon the angelic boy with platinum blond hair. He was arching and cringing on the floor, his voice had turned into a hoarse sound barely audible. The softness to his pointy features was gone, replaced by a stiff mask of pain. With nothing else to do, Harry ran forward and knelt beside Draco. Taking him in his arms, Harry hoped his presence at least would ease the pain. He wasn’t sure what made him believe that it would - who did he think he was, really? - but somehow it felt right to be there for Draco. And somehow, it seemed to work. Draco cringed less and less with each second that went by, and soon he rested, completely relaxed in Harry’s arms. He opened his eyes and it felt as if Harry started falling the moment their eyes met. The other whispered - no, _breathed_ Harry’s name, a faint smile playing on his lips before he went limp. 

“NO!” Harry screamed. “Draco!” He tightened his grip on the think body, held him close. Someone sat down next to them and tried to calm Harry down, but he couldn’t hear the words. Not until someone else - who turned out to be Dean - shook him quite violently by his shoulders.

“C’mon mate, he’s alive. We need to get him to Pomfrey. C’mon. Let’s go.” 

Together with Seamus and Ron, the four of them carried Draco - and steadied Harry - through the school. The moment they entered the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey was all over them, hurrying to get things - among them Draco - back to how they were supposed to be. But Harry didn't notice any of it. All he could see was Draco’s terrifyingly pale face and lifeless body. He could see that his chest rose and fell with every breath, but the movement was so vague Harry was sure it would halt at any moment. From a distance it seemed someone tried to call his name, but Harry didn’t care. He felt someone come standing in front of him, blocking his view, but he still saw Draco clearly. The picture of the other man was carved into his eyes and he could see nothing but that. A hand was put upon Harry’s shoulder. It was warm. Instead of warming him though, it made him freeze. Everything except the coldness felt distant. All the shouts turned into buzzing in his ears. He was frozen in place and even though he hated to be captured and always fought to be free, he found he no longer knew where to flee to. He was completely lost, he had nowhere to run, nowhere to be if Draco wasn’t there with him. Something stinger in Harry’s side and suddenly a fog came looming into his mind. Yet, he did not become afraid. It was a comfortable fog. When it totally surrounded him, urging him to sleep, he felt safe and calm despite the anxious worries about Draco that still lurked in his mind. He decided to let them be for now, he just wanted to sleep a bit.

 

He woke up in one of the hospital beds. Next to him stood a chair and upon it sat Ron.

“What ha—” he didn’t get to finish the sentence before the memories crashed into his mind. Draco! “Draco?!”

“He’s fine. Still asleep, but fine. Pomfrey says he’ll be back as soon as his body decides he’s strong enough to live life again.”

“Wait! So you're saying he’s asleep… asleep as in _coma?_ When will he be strong enough?”

“We don’t know…”

“What if he… maybe he… it might not be…”

“Ssch, Harry, of course he’ll want to come back—”

“You haven’t been… haven’t seen… how he’s like…”

“No, I haven’t but I _have_ seen how different he is when he’s around you, or thinking about you, or when we’re talking about you, and I swear, he’ not ready to give you up.” Ron’s determined glare wasn’t necessary to shut Harry up. What the actual fuck was the man talking about? With his mouth hanging open, Harry just stared at his friend. “Yeah, that’s right. He cares a lot about you, mate, and I’m sure he wants to get back to you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“Of course you don’t. You are always busy doing something for him or something he’s told you to do when he looks at you in _that_ way, so you haven’t noticed.”

“No, I mean I don’t know what you’re talking about because it can’t true. No one, not even Draco or ‘Mione or you could or should care about me so much that their life depends on me-“

“What are _you_ talking about? Of course we could! And we _absolutely_ should! Because we’re your best friends!”

“That’s not enough.”

“What, so you shouldn’t die for us as our best friend?”

“‘Course I would, but that’s different.”

“How could it be different? Except reversed positions?”

“You… you matter more than me! And your lives are important!”

“So is yours!”

“No, I’ve already finished my purpose of life. I’m not even supposed to be alive anymore. Also _you_ did all of the hero stuff! I just followed… and I did horrible things…”

“So did Draco, and you don’t blame him for that.”

“That’s because he didn’t have a choice?”

“And did you? Did you have a choice? No you didn’t! So that shouldn’t matter. And about you being alive despite… that you shouldn’t be ar whatever you say, doesn’t that mean you’re _supposed_ to keep living?”

“I _DIED_ Ron! I died in that forest and then I came back. And I shouldn’t have.”

"If you died and came back I see that as the very proof of that you are meant to still be here with us.” The decisive way Ron kept his voice steady, despite the news of Harry's death (that only Draco had known before) came out, amazed Harry. Almost as much as the words themselves did. 

“What are you talking about?”

“I mean, if you’re still alive even though you died several months ago, doesn’t that show that you still have something to do, something that’s worth being alive for?”

“And what could that be?”

“I dunno, a person maybe? Or maybe something as simply complicated as life?”

“That doesn’t make any sense. Living because it’s worth living.”

“Maybe. But it could be true, though. And whatever it is, you are supposed to be here with me. Don’t ever forget that, Harry.”

For some reason, their argumentative conversation made Harry feel much more at ease.

“Thank you.” he whispered as he hugged the other man before moving from his bed to sit on the chair next to Draco’s. He lowered his head to rest it next to Draco’s head on the mattress and before he knew it, he’d fallen asleep.

 

With every day that went without Draco waking up, Harry became more and more anxious. He had sworn to stay alive for the blond so he could protect him, yet he had failed and now he didn’t even got to say how sorry he was for that. But on the fourth day, right after lunch, he and Ron cake back to the hospital wing to find Draco awake. Only, he looked horrible. The past days he had been looking awfully pale but there had also been a stillness and freshness to his features. Something that made it look like he was to be born again. Now he had several bruises and newly attended wounds that clearly had caused the blood stains on his cover and pillows. Instead of pale, his face was partially sickeningly gren, partly irritating red and partly blood red. All colours standing out thanks to the sweat that made them glimmer in the light. What in Godric’s name had happened? When he asked though, Draco asked a question back, and Ron took over the conversation. It made it possible for Harry to retreat within himself. He had failed again! Hadn’t it been more than enough to fail that once a few days ago?

“I’m sorry,” he said, though he didn’t know exactly what he was the most sorry for. Differently to how Draco usually reacted when Harry apologized, this time Draco only smiled and told Harry that _he_ was sorry. That made Harry realize he didn’t know what Draco and Ron had been talking about before he interrupted them. Apparently, it had been something Draco was sorry for. 

“What, no…” No, he would only be a bother to them if he asked what they’d been talking about. He needed to concentrate on things that were important. Things like “What- whatever… what happened though? Why're you looking so… beaten up?”

When Draco told them it had been Ginny, Harry was both unsurprised _and_ taken aback. The thing was that when McGonagall had made Ginny promise to never haunt Draco again after she’d gotten him into coma, Harry’d seen in her eyes that she was going to break the agreement. But he’d convinced himself that it’d be alright, and look where that had gotten them. 

As Draco and Ron conversed, it became clear that Draco barely saw any fault to the situation he was in and it made Harry… sort of confused. Lost. What was going on? Somehow, the feeling felt oddly familiar and soon he realized why. This was how he’d felt when he thought he was alone during the war, and when he lived with the Dursley’s. And r´this was how he had felt the entire week since Draco was gone. All of it caused memories to rise in his mind. Memories of how horribly empty most of his life had been and Harry felt like he wanted to cry. The sensation didn’t go away when Pomfrey came and spoke with them. It didn’t even go away when everyone except he and Draco had left the wing.

“What’s wrong, Harry?” Draco asked, and the question caused something to flutter in Harry’s stomach. 

“Nothin’…” Even though Harry _wanted_ to tell, he couldn’t bother the other man with his heavy thoughts, could he?

“Shut it, I see that you’re worked up. Let it go, break the ice. What is it?”

He couldn't hold back anymore. At the same time as he felt like he wanted to cry, there was no tears to shed. Instead he just crept quickly onto the bed and hugged Draco tightly enough to be sure that he wouldn’t disappear again. He told him, with somewhat difficulty, what was causing him all the pain.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, Harry.”

“Please, promise me to never disappear again. _Please_ …” Despite hating himself for it, Harry let the emotions bleed into his voice. He didn’t have any energy left to prevent it from happening. The promise that came after that had Harry relaxing for the first time in days.

 

A distressed snort awoke Harry and after a quick but blurry look around he realized he had fallen asleep in Draco’s arms, as that was where he was still laying. He also laid eyes on one very angry looking Pansy Parkinson.

“Oh good… eh… hi.” Harry mumbled.

“Good hi? What is that? A new greeting that’s only allowed to be used by the Saviour?” Pansy smeared, causing Harry to cringe.

“Ehm… no…it’s just… I don’t know what time it is… and you’re welcome to use it as a phrase if you’d like… it’s not some sort of privilege…” What was going on? “Why — what are you doing here anyway?”

“Checking in on _my_ best friend, what does it look like to you?” she snarled. “And the thing is… I’d like to see him _alone_ , if that’s alright? Or do you have some _Chosen_ duty do to here?”

“Pansy, lay it off…” came Draco’s mumbled voice right next to Harry’s ear. When had they gotten so close? “He’s not…” sigh, “doing anything wrong…”

“I bloody well know he’s not doing anything wrong,” she answered, now with a much softer tone. “But I just had to… scream… I’m so frustrated… you were gone…”

“I know, but still, please don’t make Harry suffer from it, okey?”

She nodded quietly and silence spread through the room. Uncomfortable with the situation, Harry started to move away from Draco, but was immediately stopped by a whispered plea for him to stay, and a pair of strong arms holding him in place. Harry turned to look at the blond as he simply couldn’t understand why Draco wanted _him_ to be there.

“I suppose it’s time for you two to get to know each other better,” Draco said, now loud enough for both of his friends to hear him. “I mean, the train ride here wasn’t much to build a friendship upon.”

“What?! You can’t mean that I’m going to befriend him? Why would he even want that?” Pansy exclaimed, but it was something in her voice that caught Harry’s curiosity.

“Ask him.”

“Wh—tsk…” she spluttered in disbelief before truing to Harry. “Uhm… now that you and… Draco have developed something, it’d be suitable for us to get to know one another. If you’d like. I understand if you don’t want to considering what I… considering what was done during the war…”

Now it was Harry’s turn to look doubtful. Right in front of him was Pansy Parkinson, looking highly shameful and unsure because she thought _he_ might blame her for wanting to turn him in to Voldemort.? It was ridiculous! 

“Par— Pansy, I’d be _honoured_ to get to know you… and it wasn’t your fault, you can’t blame yourself for… that. It was nothing, really.”

Even though it had seem impossible, those words had the girl looking even more precarious. Her mouth was hanging open and her dark - and admittedly beautiful - eyes were staring at Harry without blinking.

“See, Pans, nothing to worry about.” Draco said, probably in an attempt to ease the atmosphere. 

“But— why?” she asked, unable to grasp the reality of Harry not blaming her.

“It’s really nothing.” Harry mumbled. “Not compared to… other things… that I—”

“Let’s stop it there,” Draco cut in hurriedly. “Maybe we should try to focus on something else. Something less… sad.”

Somehow, his words seemed to affect Pansy quite a lot, as she finally managed to pull herself together and she nodded.

“Yeah, that sounds great.” she smiled and for the first time she smiled directly at Harry, without anything but sincere happiness and relief showing in her eyes. It all made a thought cross Harry’s mind, or rather a memory from a few days back. Harry sat up in the bed and extended his hand in front of him.

“Right, so I believe we haven’t introduced ourselves properly yet.” he smiled and he could feel Draco laugh quietly next to him. “I’m Harry. Just Harry, if you’d please.”

Gladly, Pansy instantly played along just like Ron had done when Draco had made the same act Harry did now. “And I’m Pansy. Nice to meet you, Harry.”

The rest of the day, the two of them stayed right next to Draco, chatting about this and that. Eventually, Draco fell asleep while listening to Harry and Pansy happily discussing the preferable use of ginger in certain Christmas foods. It was strange, how well Harry got along with each and every one of the Slytherins. It actually had him start doubting his earlier choice to deny the Sorting Har’s wish to put him on Slytherin twice. He sure fit in there. He fit in Gryffindor too, but there was still something about had him realize that something had been missing. And maybe he had been faster to kill Voldemort if he’d been in the green and silver house?

“Come one, let’s go to our dorm. So Draco can sleep without some sort of interference.” Pansy said, bringing Harry back to reality. She grasped his hand and pulled him out of the bed. “And I have some questions for you and… I don’t want Draco to accidentally hear them… it’s… kinda personal… and he might… misunderstand…”

Her voice held a tone that made Harry trust that this wasn’t something she did with malicious intentions, os he nodded and followed her through the castle. The moment they sat down on Draco’s and Harry’s bed(s) a tray with tea and biscuits appeared on Draco's bedside table. Silently, Pansy reached for it and placed it between them.

“Thank Salazar for house elves.” Pansy mused as she let the warm cup heat up her fingers. “They make your life so much easier.”

“Yeah… mostly…” Harry answered, thinking about how he’d let himself be tricked by Kreacher which then had led to Sirius’ death. Pansy seemed to realize this (Draco had probably told her about the disaster when it happened) as she turned her face serious and begged him sorry.

“I didn’t… I mean, I know it’s not… always that easy… but I guess you could enjoy the moments that _aren’t_ complicated…”

_It’s fine_ , Harry tried to say, but the words got stuck in his throat where a lump was forming. Instead, he choked, and Pansy looked even more worried. She put a comforting hand on his shoulder and massaged lightly. 

“You know it’s okey to cry, right?” she murmured. “Even in front of people. You can… trust me… I won’t let you down… not again, at least. And I want to… I really want to get along with you because… I can see that you’re good for Draco and we all saw how you mattered to so many people during… our first years here and I was hoping… though I understand if you wouldn’t do it, but I was hoping that you’d try… help me too..?”

Harry didn’t know what to make out of this. On the one hand, he though, Pansy was wrong, because he hadn’t made anyone or anything better - it was more like the opposite - but on the other hand, her words seemed extremely sincere and they made him want to cry of relief as there apparently actually was people outside his little group of friends that appreciated him for something else than saving the world. After clearing his throat enough times to be sure his voice would bear, he answered.

“I’d… I’d love to.” Barely had he finished the sentence when the girl threw her arms around him with a shriek.

“Thank you!”

“But Pansy, you have to know… I don’t really know what I’m doing, nor do I know if any of this will work.”

“I know, but when have you ever known what you’re doing?”

At first, Harry didn’t answer as he thought that it was a rhetorical question and the answer wasn’t something he wanted to trouble himself with. But then he decided against it because he realized that _that_ was what he did when he was ‘helping’ people. Everybody seemed to feel better each time he told the truth. 

“I did know what I was doing when I was trying to be nobody…”

Pansy’s cheerful expression immediately turned serious.

“What do you mean ‘nobody’?”

“I… I imagine it’s like when you Slytherins try to blend in ot become invisible in order to be left alone and have no one harassing you.”

“But why would you do that? What’ve you got to hide from?”

The question caused flashbacks from the train ride to come. Back then, Draco had saved him from being forced to tell his tragic story. But now Draco wasn’t there to save him. Now he had to tell it. But Harry had already told the story thrice, maybe time would make it easier to tell it all?

 

It didn’t. The very first few words were stuttered and it felt like Harry was suffocating from the weight of the blame he felt. All he managed to say was “They were right. All of them. It was my fault… die…”

“Alright,” Pansy interrupted, “let’s try this in another way. I ask you questions and you answer them. If it's too much, say pass. Okey?”

“Okey.”

 

It was dawn when the two newly become friends finally quieted down after their session. Of course, they couldn’t tell this by seeing a rising sun like Harry used to in the Gryffindor Tower, but they had to cast a tempus. Never had that been harder though, because both of them were almost asleep.

“I’ve classes…” Pansy murmured. “But maybe your friends can lend me some notes..?”

“Mmm…” Harry answered more unconscious than awake. “She will…”

Then they fell asleep and the feeling of being safe was there, almost like when Draco was around. Thank Merlin for Slytherin, Harry thought, because it sure was damn nice to be able to sleep.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any feedback is welcome.  
> Don't forget that you could always talk to me on [tumblr](https://assassinsdragons.tumblr.com).

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first try at a Drarry fanfic, which naturally means that I'd like some feedback though nothing too critical atm because I'm not emotionally stable rn. Though, if there is something you want to talk about, you can send a message to my tumblr: assassinsdragons.tumblr.com
> 
> Some might think that I have an odd characterization of Ron in here as I make him approving of the Slytherins and such, but that is the picture I have of him. I see him as a wise person that has learned a lot during the war about how to approach people. And he's the best friend you could ever dream of. Not just for Harry, but for anyone. So if you don't approve, I'm sorry I'm not sorry.
> 
> Lastly I'd like to thank you for reading this and I hope you want to get the next chapter which will be written in Draco's point of view.


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